


Let's Return To The Good Times

by silversoul_snow



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Murder, Bromance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 17:21:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 40,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6088066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversoul_snow/pseuds/silversoul_snow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyuhyun is tired of everything and wants to escape. Will his actions help bring the group back together?</p><p>The pain that he felt, the longing he felt, the sadness he felt. Did they feel it too? Will they be 13 again? Wil they be the brothers they once were?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Return To The Good Times

**Author's Note:**

> Original fic over at AFF under the same title.
> 
> Basically a fanfic that took over 4 years to complete and now it's done!

Chapter 1 - I Want To Return....

 

**_“Super Junior Hwaiting!”_ **

 

**_As the enthusiastic shout bounced off the walls, it echoed throughout the small enclosed room, that had somehow managed to fit 13 people. As the members hugged each other, smiles full of pure bliss and joy donned their handsome faces, celebrating their first win ever, marking the first milestone of their journey together._ **

 

**_“Aaak!!!” A  sharp yet somehow a bit strained shout pierced the air, as Eunhyuk jumped on Kangin suddenly, practically bouncing on the latter in happiness._ **

 

**_“Get off me!” Kangin shouted, as he tried yet another failed attempt to push the energetic younger off him._ **

 

**_Laughing together, the remaining members joined them, adding to the pile of human weight on Kangin, squishing him while forming a human sandwich as laughter ran through the air, with Leeteuk’s pixie laugh being the most prominent._ **

 

 

The breeze kissed his face, its gentle arms hugging his thin waist, way too thin for someone his age, slowly pulling him into the embrace.

 

5 more steps.

 

 

_~ Flashback  ~_

 

_“I hate Super Junior! Especially that stuck up snob Kyuhyun”_

 

_“They think that they’re so good? They’re nothing but trash!”_

 

_“Hmph. Even SNSD is so much better than them!”_

 

_“You call that singing? I call that croaking. You call that dancing? I called that spasming.”_

 

_“Why didn’t Kyuhyun die in the accident? He doesn’t deserve to be alive.”_

 

_Kyuhyun’s spirits dampened as he scrolled down the website, his eyes taking in the anti’s comments without a word._

 

_He should have known. Of course, antis were something that all Kpop idols, regardless of being solo or in a group, have to go through. It is not something avoidable. Kyuhyun had accepted the fact a long time ago, but it still hurt him._

 

_Could the antis not give them a chance? As good as Super Junior might turn out to be, they were still humans. Like all humans, they’re not god. They were prone to make mistakes. Like all humans, they have feelings. Idols were humans too, you know._

 

_He sighed as he continued reading the comments. Suddenly, laughter echoed throughout the dorm, with a string of Chinese, jumbled up with Korean, words followed. No doubt that Heechul was teasing Hankyung again, this time probably with Eunhyuk and Donghae helping him._

 

_Despite his earlier moodiness, Kyuhyun felt the sides of his lips lift up in a genuine smile. At least he still had his members with him. His loyal, loving, caring 12 hyungs who would be with him through out this journey. Not to mention, along with their faithful fans, E.L.Fs._

 

_As he sighed yet again, thinking to himself that he might end up getting frown lines from sighing too much, he logged on to his twitter and posted._

 

_“I can stand it when you say bad things about me. You must have disliked something I did to do so. But don’t point your finger at my innocent family members and hurt them too... Think about what you’re writing before you write it.”_

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

 

His eyes closed, trying his best to block out his surroundings as he took another step forward. What happened to the promise they made? That they’ll be together forever, either as 13 or 15 (the Super Junior members counted Henry and Zhoumi as one of them, even if some of the fans disagreed), that they would always remain brothers.

 

4 more steps.

 

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

_“I’m leaving SM.”_

 

_That single sentence froze everyone in their tracks, as they turned to look slowly at the person who said it._

 

_“AHAHAHAHA!” Laughter burst out through the dorm, as the members started collapsing into a heap shaking with laughter._

 

_“Oh god. That was a good one, Hannie.” Heechul hyung laughed as he approached the said man, draping his arm casually over his shoulders._

 

_“I totally had no idea that you could joke like this.....” His voice trailed off as he took in Hankyung’s serious look. The only time he had seen the look was when Hankyung wanted ALL of them out of the kitchen before they could turn his beloved Beijing fried rice into black UFOs._

 

_The rest of the members looked up when they heard Heechul hyung trailing off, each of their eyes widening in fear as they took in Hankyung’s serious look and his luggage that was standing behind him, leaning against the door, as if mocking them on how true that statement was._

 

_“T...That’s not true right, Hankyung?” Leeteuk asked, his voice trembling a little._

 

_“Come on Hyung. Stop joking.” Sungmin said._

 

_“There’s no way you’re leaving SM.” Shindong replied back to Hankyung, firmly._

 

_“Hannie... This is a joke right? This got to be a joke. Come on Hannie. Tell me it is a joke.” Heechul pleaded desperately, wanting to get that serious look out of Hankyung’s eyes, wanting to see that joyful twinkle back it in. It was the first time ever that Kyuhyun had heard Heechul so desperately._

 

_But._

 

_But._

 

_But._

 

_But Hankyung just continued staring at the floor, shaking his head._

 

_“I’m sorry.” Was all he could croaked out, before he turned and left._

 

_Silence._

 

_The silence was suffocating. Like a pistol that could fire any moment. Like a volcano that could erupt any moment. Like a bomb that could go off any moment._

 

_“Hankyung!” The shrill cry of the diva broke the silence as he dashed out off the door to chase after Hankyung, but was pulled back by the manager and the guards, all who had been standing there silently all this while._

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

 

You lied hyung. You were there when we promised to be together. But you left. Why? Did I do something wrong? Was I too naughty? Were we not good enough for you? “Thankful people are happy people.” **(I am quoting my pastor here)** We were thankful for you. But why are we not happy? Why? Why did everything go so wrong? What happened?

 

3 more steps.

 

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

_Crash!_

 

_Yet another plate shattered to the ground, missing Kangin’s feet by centimeters, as the diva and the appa of the group stood facing each other, chests panting from the exertion as they glared at each other._

 

_“SHUT UP! What the shit does it matter to you if I come back drunk? It’s not like its going to affect you right?!” Heechul raged, eyes flashing with anger as he stared at Kangin as if he was daring the younger to answer back._

 

_“Of course it affects me! I don’t want you to be causing any trouble and dragging the rest of us along with it!” Apparently, Kangin decided to take up the dare._

 

_“It’s not like I’M the one who wants to drag you down with me is it?!” Heechul shot back, without missing a beat._

 

_“Well TOO BAD. Coz that’s what you’re doing. Can’t you do anything other then cause trouble for us? YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A BURDEN AND TROUBLE!” The tension in the air grew thicker as sparks flew, causing the few listeners to fidget in uneasiness._

 

_Heechul had staggered in to the dorm, drunk, barely being able to make it back to his bedroom without bumping into something, or someone. Hyung had been out drinking. Again. He’s been doing that, besides locking himself in the room, ever since Hankyung has left. Hankyung hyung. The maknae had prided himself on being able to see through other’s mask and notice their pain. But why? Why couldn’t he do so with Hankyung hyung._

 

_The pain that flashed through Heechul’s eyes momentarily went unnoticed, as he digested why his dongsaeng had just said._

 

_“Trouble? Burden? Fine. I apologize for being such a burden for all of you then. I’ll just leave.” The previously raging voice has suddenly dropped to a quiet level, causing another wave of chills and unease through the dorm. The diva then turned and returned to his room, locking the door, without another word._

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

 

Will they miss me if I go? Will they shed tears for me? Will they go on with life? Sigh... There’s still so many things I want to do.. But I’m so tired. I don’t think that I can continue anymore... The times we laughed together, the times we cried together, the times when we truly were brothers.. I want to return to those times again. Coz now, everything is falling apart.

 

2 more steps.

 

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

_Kyuhyun slumped against his locked bedroom door, as he listened to his hyungs shouting at each other again. After Hankyung hyung had left, all this have started. No.... It was about to start even before Hankyung hyung left... Only that him leaving SM was the final push._

 

_When Hankyung hyung had left the dorm, members broke out into sobs while Sungmin and Kibum tried to calm the hysterical Heechul. Kyuhyun had wanted to run out of the dorm, chase after Hankyung and pulled him back in, proving that what Hankyung hyung had said earlier was just a joke. But before he could move, a pair of arms wrapped themselves around his waist and pulled him close to the owner. Kyuhyun turned and looked at Siwon, whose eyes were warning him not to go, before letting go._

 

_Kyuhyun wanted to wake up from this nightmare, as he looked at the scene around him, hearts being broken, Eunhyuk and Donghae crying, Ryeowook clinging onto Yesung and Leeteuk as Kangin tried his best to console the crying leader and the eternal maknae, with Yesung being of no help as he just stared at the door, as if trying to see if any minute now, Hankyung would walk back in and laugh at all of them for being so pathetic, and things could be back as how they were previously. And at Heechul, who was struggling against Kibum and Sungmin, trying to run after his best friend._

 

_Kyuhyun started pinching and slapping himself, attempting to wake up from this nightmare.  All the other members stopped and stared at the usually calm maknae, as Siwon rushed up and pinned Kyuhyun’s arms to his side, all the while hugging him tightly. Kyuhyun struggled vainly for quite a while, before falling back into the embrace, exhausted from both the mental and physical strain. He had no other choice but to accept the harsh reality. Hankyung was gone and he’s not coming back._

 

_The hyungs should have noticed. The actions of Kyuhyun slapping and pinching himself were the first signs of Kyuhyun breaking._

 

_But they didn’t._

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

 

Footsteps were heard as 12 people rushed up to the roofs, muffled along with shouts of Kyuhyun’s name. Ah... hyungs... So you’ve come.

 

“Kyuhyun! What do you think you’re doing?” Sungmin’s voice ran out. _Sungmin hyung.... The one who loves pink. Sungmin hyung ah... I know that you usually try to stay strong for the hyungs. But can you after this? Hyung ah... sometimes it doesn’t hurt to lean on others and cry you know. How ironic, that’s the exact aspect I am failing at. Thank you for being my favorite hyung._

 

“Kyuhyun! You’re going to fall! Come back down here right now!” _Leeteuk umma... The umma of our group. Our loving umma... Our caring umma.... Don’t worry umma. If I fall, it’s of my own will. I’m sorry.... Stay strong umma! Thank you for being the best umma anyone can ask for._

 

“Kyuhyun. I am not going to repeat this. So listen carefully. Get. Back. Here. Now.” _Kangin appa.... The fierce yet warm hearted appa of our group. I’ll get back down appa. But not the way you want it to be. Appa... you have to help umma get through this ok? And everyone else. Even though you might seem fierce, you’re actually very kind. I know that you didn’t mean what you said to Heechul hyung that time.... So don’t worry. Thank you for being such a caring appa._

 

“Kui xian. Hurry and come down. Don’t be so rash! Hyung is so sorry for leaving you.... Hyung is so sorry for not noticing that you were suffering too! Ge.. hen dui bi qi ni! (哥很对不起你)” _Hankyung hyung?? Why are you here? I thought you went back to China... Sigh. It doesn’t matter. But I’m so glad to hear your voice once more. Han geng ge... You must take care of Heechul hyung ok? He didn’t really cope well with you leaving. And I don’t think he’ll cope well with this too. I’m sorry ge.. I’m sorry for not noticing your stress... So please don’t apologize. I should be the one apologizing. Thank you hyung.... for holding up for Super Junior for so long, for holding up for us for so long... I’m sorry that you had to suffer._

 

“Kyuhyun. I swear that if you don’t get your ass down here within 10 seconds, I am PERSONALLY going up to drag you down and strangle you when we get dow- Mmpf!” Heechul was silenced by Hankyung’s hand over his mouth before he could say anything. _Heechul hyung... Even though you seem so mean sometimes, so sarcastic sometimes, you’ll actually cared. And I liked that about you.... Heechul hyung. Kangin hyung didn’t mean what he said that day. So please forgive him and don’t take it to heart ok? And hyung... I’m so sorry for ruining such a happy moment. Hankyung hyung came back. Even though I know it was because of me. Because of what I am about to do. I’m sorry. I know that you won’t take this well, but even though we weren’t so close, you’ve been there for me during the car accident. I’m so sorry, hyung. Please take care of Hankyung hyung too. Thank you for being who you are, hyung._

 

“Kyuhyun ah. Come now. I promise that I’ll give you all of my month’s worth of beef and food. So please come down now.” _Shindong hyung... Sigh. Your love for food is so great but yet you love me so much more that you even decide to give me month’s share of food. But hyung... I’m tired already. I don’t think that I can go on.... Shindong hyung! You have to stick to your diet ok? Sungmin hyung will help you I’m sure. But... I’ll hold you up on your offer. I’ll be waiting hyung! Thank you!_

 

As I heard crying and sniffles behind me, I dared to sneak a peek behind my shoulder and almost my blood almost stopped. Kibum was standing between the two sniffling pairs, Ryeowook crying hard on Yesung’s shoulder while Eunhae clung onto one another, being the best friends they were. Kibum’s eyes met mine as he plead with me. _Please don’t do this. We need you._ I shook my head slowly as I smiled sadly.

 

_Ryeowook, please don’t cry. I know you’re very emotional but please don’t cry. It hurts me more to see you cry then for me to cut myself. But look on the bright side, at least now you’ll be the maknae. Yesung hyung... Even though we aren’t THAT close.. Please look after Ryeowook ok? I’m so sorry...._

 

_Eunhyuk ah.... You’ve been such a good friend. Never failing to make me laugh whenever I’m feeling sad. Never hesitating to take me up upon my challenge to you on video games, even though you know that you’ll lose. I’ll miss that laughter of yours. Donghae..... I’m sorry.. You have to lose someone you love again. But I am really tired hyung... I can’t go on anymore... I can’t.... Donghae.. Eunhyuk... Please look after each other. Please don’t leave each other. Please continue remaining as best friends... I’m so sorry...._

 

_Kibum... Sigh.. Now the maknae line won’t be completed will it? Even though you’re one of the youngest, yet you’re one of the calmest of all. I know that you’ll probably be pissed at me for doing this but I’m sorry. Please be the pillar of support for the hyungs, and they will in turn support you. That’s something that we had done a long time ago... A very long time ago.... I’ll be waiting for you ok? So please don’t get too suckish at Starcraft else you can’t beat me. I’m so sorry... And thank you for being suck a nice fellow maknae._

 

“Oh god. Please God. Don’t do this Kyuhyun. Come down please. God will solve all your problems. So please don’t be so rash.” _Siwon hyung... Our very own dear Super Junior pastor. The face of the group. The devoted Christian. The one who always tries his best to get us to go to Church. I’m sorry hyung... I really am. God may solve all your problems, but not mine. Mine can’t be solved. Even if I wish it could be. But hyung... Just hold on to your faith in God alright? It will get you through all the sadness in life. But sadly, not for me. If there really is a God, then let him hear this only wish. I just wish to see you all again in Heaven. I love you hyung... Don’t give up ok?_

 

_Super Junior. I love you. I’m so sorry._

 

1 more step.

 

 

_Up the stairs, into Kyuhyun’s room, there laid a carefully framed picture next to his bed. A picture of Super Junior, all 13 members, relaxed and laughing after their first win. As family, as real friends, as brothers._

 

 

He took one more step... with his hyung’s voices echoing in his ears. With the only wish that they could return to the good times, he flew....

 

_Super Junior Forever -- His only wish._

 

* * *

 

Chapter 2 - And So We Wait

 

The members clustered together a few meters outside the dreaded room. Leeteuk sitting down with his head hidden in his hands, slouched over, shoulders shaking with sobs. Kangin had his arm around the umma of the group, whispering nonsensical stuff into his ear as he drew circles on the leader’s back, trying to calm the depressed leader. Yet, his own eyes brimmed with tears that threatened to overflow. Donghae sat on the floor, leaning against Leeteuk’s legs, his eyes closed, with Eunhyuk lying on his lap, arms over his eyes as the tired boy drowned himself in his own thoughts. Hankyung and Heechul sat next to them, the Cinderella leaning against the Chinese man’s chest, eyes drooping slowly, as sleep threatened to overcome him. He had been tired out from the excitement of seeing Hankyung again and seeing Kyuhyun attempting suicide. Siwon sat on Heechul’s left, one hand on the elder’s back while another hand clutched Leeteuk’s hand. Across them, Sungmin tried to console the sniffling Ryeowook, pulling him into a hug occasionally and murmuring encouragement to him. Kibum just went around handing out tissues, before taking his place besides Yesung, who had sat next to Ryeowook, and leaned his head on his hyung’s shoulders, who had been staring into space all this while. Shindong simply stood next to the window, sighing every now and then.

 

Whenever a doctor walked past them, they would all look up in expectation, expecting to see the familiar yet sort of unwelcome face, heads drooping back down as their hopes were crushed.

 

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. That’s all they were doing. That’s all they could do. Wait. That 8 hours of waiting were the hardest moments in their life.

 

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

_“KYUHYUN!!!!!!!!”_

 

_All the members could do was to freeze in fear as they watched their beloved maknae disappear over the roof from their view. Thoughts of guilt, thoughts of fear, thoughts of self-berating flew around in each of their heads, as their eyes struggled to process what was happening in front of them. Processing, yet denying._

 

_Their maknae had jumped off the roof._

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

 

Leeteuk shook head in an attempt to clear his head of the very scene. The scene which kept replaying itself in his head. The scene which he had seen his very own beloved maknae committing suicide. The scene which has convinced him that he had failed yet again. Failed as the leader.

 

_I’m such an idiot. Why didn’t I actually notice all the pain he had been carrying? Why didn’t I notice that he was breaking? Why didn’t I play my part of being a leader properly? I had failed when Hankyung left SM. Now I have failed yet again when my maknae had tried to offed himself._

 

_Am I no longer suited for this job? Leeteuk, you stupid, idiotic, moronic, bastard of a leader. You were supposed to be a leader, supposed to protect your dongsaengs, supposed to be there for them. Yet why are you so useless? Why am I so useless? I can’t do anything except to sit here and cry._

 

Kangin noticing his leader’s emotional struggle with himself, pulled the latter closer to him, whether whispering encouraging words or nonsensical sentences, no one knows, to Leeteuk, in an attempt to try and distract his hyung from his depressing thoughts. Leeteuk looked up into Kangin’s eyes, before turning away in disgust, not wanting to see the guilt of his own eyes that was mirrored in his dongsaeng’s eyes. But what he did not know was that, Kangin’s own eyes were carrying the guilt also. In fact, the rest of the Super Junior members were too. He pulled the umma closer to him, urging him to sleep. Leeteuk complied, tired out by his mental berating, but not before telling Kangin to do the same thing, as he fell asleep with the thought that he would become a better leader for Kyuhyun, for Super Junior.

 

Noticing the shift in the position of the boy that he had been leaning on, Donghae shifted along with it, disturbing the usually hyperactive monkey that had been resting his head on his lap. Eunhyuk sat up slowly, dragged away from his thoughts by the sudden movement. He murmured an apology under his breath for borrowing his best friend’s lap, as he adjusted himself into an more comfortable position. Donghae looked at his friend and shook his head, smiling wearily, before resuming his position - leaning against Leeteuk’s leg, and closing his eyes.

 

Donghae never really liked the hospital. He didn’t like ANYTHING related to the hospital in fact. He didn’t like the ambulance, whose noisy whining sound he had come to hate, yet appreciated grudgingly a few hours ago. 

 

The white walls. The smell of sanitizers. The faceless figures walking around in white. The smell of death lingering in the ICU. The red light of the operation room that showed it was in use. The squeaking sound of the trolley as a nurse wheeled it down the corridor. The clicking sounds of the heels of the doctors. They were all getting to him, unnerving him, making him feel like he wanted to dig a hole somewhere and bury himself in it.

 

But what he always hated the most, no matter which hospital, no matter when it was, no matter the situation, was the face that the doctor wore when he came out of the operation room or a patient’s room. The face that showed that the doctor had failed to do his job properly. The face that the doctor wore when he delivered the most heartbreaking news to the family members and friends. The face which he had seen once, which brought his whole world crushing down. The face which he never wanted to see again.

 

Donghae didn’t like the hospital any further than did he welcome the idea of being denied the role of a dancer. It reminded him of his dad. His dad who he couldn’t see again. His dad who he couldn’t perform in front again. His dad who he couldn’t call whenever he was in a dilemma. So being here, AGAIN in the hospital, in a helpless position, disgusted himself.

 

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

_“What the shit? Why did you change the channel? I was watching it!” Heechul’s scream could be heard from there all the way to the first floor._

 

_“But hyung... I don’t like the channel. It’ all about fashion and stuff.” Donghae pouted, attempting to use his aegyo to ease the raging diva in front of him, as he scurried to the end of the room, along with the remote control in his hand._

 

_Apparently, it failed. “And you think that I would LIKE to watch Care Bears????!!!!!!” Another shriek echoed throughout the dorm, as if with the intention of breaking anyone’s ear drum within a 5m radius._

 

_“It’s not Care Bears hyung... It’s called the Invasion of Planet- “_

 

_“I don’t care!!!!!!!!!! You’ll pay for this, Lee Donghae.”_

 

_“Kyuhyun ah! Save me!” Donghae yelled as he dashed behind the group’s maknae, who had just finished recording a song for SM’s The Ballad, using him like a shield._

 

_“Lee Donghae. Get back here this instant else I’ll personally skin you alive!”_

 

_Donghae gulped. “Kyuhyun ah!!! Please help me.”_

 

_“Hmph. I doubt Kyu can even save himself from Heechul’s wrath.” Kangin smirked as he walked past the living room, taking in the scene._

 

_“Heechul hyung. Please stop chasing Donghae hyung.” Kyuhyun said wearily as Heechul came into his line of vision._

 

_He didn’t want to deal with this. He was tired, with no energy to even retort back to Kangin as usual. All he wanted to do was to go to his room, lock the damn door and lie down on the bed. It had been a bad day for him. He had been screamed at by the producer_ _for not “putting in his best effort and stop treating this like a game.” He hadn’t been able to sing his lines properly today, often having coughs breaking in between. The truth was, Kyuhyun was down with a terrible cough and a sore throat today. But being the hardworking person he is, he didn’t want to delay the release of the new song but calling in sick and then, disappointing the eager fans._

 

_Heechul, Donghae and Kangin frowned at Kyuhyun’s sudden use of formalities and lack of retort, but they labeled it as the maknae being tired. They watched as Kyuhyun climbed the stairs and went into his room, shutting the door before all three returned to their own activities, the initial fight between Donghae and Heechul forgotten until Heechul turned to the television and was greeted with apes._

 

_~ Flashback~_

 

 

_Why? Why am I so useless? I should have noticed it. I should have noticed it since Hankyung left, his breakdown since Hankyung left. No. I should have noticed Kyuhyun breaking down way before that. From the time when he started wearing long sleeves to cover up his scars, from the time when he had started to become quiet, never even bothering to retort with a snarky remark, from the time when he started playing Starcraft more. Why? I promised myself that I didn’t want to lose somebody close to me. That I will do anything to prevent that. It hasn’t even been 2 years and I’m breaking that promise already._

 

Eunhyuk looked up in surprise, as he felt tremors from the boy next to him. The fishy had drawn his knees up to his chest, head burrowed in between, entire body shaking as sobs ran through his body. Eunhyuk knew of the mental struggle that his best friend. He knew that Donghae was feeling guilty, all of them are, but the death of his father being in a hospital had added onto that stress. He knew, without words being spoken. That’s why they were called Eunhae.

 

Eunhyk shifted slightly over. Taking the boy into his arms, he whispered soothingly, “Shh... It’s ok Hae. Just let it out all out. All of it.”

 

That did it. Donghae’s dam broke and he sobbed into his best friend’s arms, wetting his shirt. But at that moment, neither of them cared.

 

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

_Thump_

 

_The loud sound has jerked all of them out of their daze, and they hurried over the railing, that was just separating them from the empty space below, leaning over as far as they dared too._

 

_Upon seeing the sight below, they breathed a sigh of relief, which was ironic given the situation that they were in now. But the sight below them showed that they still had a chance to make things right._

 

_Well actually, not really. But it was better than seeing Kyuhyun’s corpse. He had fallen onto an extending roof, two floors down. Not dead yet, but would soon be if help doesn’t arrive soon. But still, the red liquid that was pooling around his head was NOT a pretty side. It reminded Ryeowook of a scene in a zombie movie which he had watched not long ago. The scene where the hero crushed the zombie’s head and blood splattered all around, like a blood red flower that was desperately blooming._

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

 

Ryeowook shuddered as the scene replayed itself like a cassette tape in his mind, unconsciously clinging onto Sungmin even more. His shoulders were shaking so badly that at this point of time, if someone gave him a cup to hold, he probably would have just dropped it within a second. That was how bad he was shaking. Sungmin took a deep breath and sighed, attempting to calm his frantic thumping heart down. Oh, how he long to break down and cry along with Ryeowook, but no. He had reached this conclusion a long time ago. Ok, Not really a long time ago, but a few hours back, when they had found Kyuhyun on the roof. He had to be strong, for Wookie, for the rest of his members, but most of all, for Kyuhyun.

 

“Shh....... Wookie. It’s not your fault. It’s not....” Sungmin whispered into Ryeowook’s ear as he embraced the younger boy in an even tighter hug. He ran a reassuring hand up and down the eternal maknae’s back, hushing him every now and then. 

 

“But hyung... I couldn’t even figure out that Kyuhyun was breaking. We are so close in age.... But I still couldn’t figure it out.... Hyung... I’m such a bad hyung. I didn’t even make time for Kyuhyun!” Ryeowook hiccuped as he poured out his guilt. He felt bad. 

 

_Why didn’t I notice it? I should have spend more time with him! I should have make him go out and play instead of shutting himself in the dance practice room. He’s too young to shoulder so much stress... and yet...._

 

“No, Wookie. It’s my fault as much as yours. In fact it was our fault. Our fault for being too selfish. For not having time for one another.” Sungmin croaked out, his voice finally breaking under the stress that he had placed on himself to control his emotions.

 

_Kyuhyun... I’m such a selfish hyung... I didn’t even bother to make time to eat dinner with you. To even quarrel with you... I’m sorry. I have failed as a best friend and a hyung._

 

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

_Riiiiiiiinnnnngggg........ Riiiiiiiinnnnngggg........_

 

_The phone ran insistently in the dorm._

 

_“Teukie hyung! Can you get the phone!” Kangin yelled from the living room._

 

_“I’m trying to sort out our schedules for tomorrow! Why can’t you get the phone!” Leeteuk yelled from where he was sitting in the kitchen, a bunch of papers spread out of in front of him._

 

_“Can’t! I’m watching television.” Came back the retort. Kangin was sprawled out on the sofa as he flipped through channel trying to find something nice to watch._

 

_“I’m cooking food!” Ryeowook shouted from the kitchen before anyone could shout for him. “Yesung is helping me!” He added as an afterthought, thanks to a glare from the older man._

 

_“Shindong and Sungmin went out for goodness knows what. And Siwon that gym freak went out to the gym. So don’t bother calling for them.” Kangin shouted. “Oh, and don’t bother to call Heechul. He locked himself up in the room.”_

 

_Riiiiiiiinnnnngggg........ Riiiiiiiinnnnngggg........_

 

_“Fine! I’ll get the damn phone.” Kibum finally said as he reluctantly detached himself from the cozy armchair that he was sitting on and his book._

 

_“Hello?... Um.... No, he’s not home..... What? You don’t know?.... TVXQ? ..... No?!...... You can’t?..... Ok. We’ll try....”_

 

_Kibum hanged up the phone as he took a deep breath in to calm himself. The hyungs in the dorm turned to look at their youngest (at that moment in the dorm) who’s voice had risen up in an octave subconsciously nearing the end of the phone call._

 

_“Kyuhyun has disappeared. The manager couldn’t get into contact with him since 3 hours ago. It’s 4pm. His recording should have ended at 1pm. He’s not at TVXQ’s dorm or anywhere else.” Kibum answered in return to his hyungs’ questioning gazes._

 

_“What? He’s not anywhere? We’ll go look for him!” Leeteuk’s umma mode kicked in, as he received 9 glares saying “Of course. Did you even have to stop and think that?” All of them rushed to get their jackets and valuables before heading out._

 

_“Oi. Teukie. Isn’t that Kyuhyun?” The sudden mention of the real maknae’s name froze everyone in their footsteps. They hurriedly turned to the television._

 

_“Now. We’re outside SM’s building. Isn’t it a wonderful place? This is where their idols.....” The newscaster’s live report was drowned out by them as they stared at the screen. True. Kyuhyun was there. In the back ground of the scene. It wasn’t that clear but the members could still that it was their beloved maknae. What surprised them was that Kyuhyun was standing startlingly near the edge, wearing a tired look on his face as he gazed into the horizon._

 

_“Don’t tell me he’s planning to .....” Yesung murmured out the thoughts in everyone’s mind. There was a creepy 5 second silence, before everyone scrambled for the door, determined to get to their maknae as fast as possible, while Leeteuk phoned their missing five members._

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

 

Kibum leaned back in the seat, arms over his eyes as he tried his best to forget about the reality. About the fact that Kyuhyun almost died. About the fact that Kyuhyun had attempted suicide. About that Kyuhyun was in a critical condition while the rest of them could only helplessly sit outside the operation room and wait.

 

How he wished that he never answered that phone call. But yet, he was still thankful though. It was because he answered that phone call, that Kyuhyun was still here with them, although not conscious. So near yet so far.

 

“Oh god.. I wish that we could go back to the time when we first debut with Kyuhyun…” The moment the sentence came out of Yesung’s mouth, Kibum froze, his mind wandering back to the times when they first had their taste of fame.

 

They were so happy then. Everything was alright. Everything. They loved each other as brothers, and made time for each other, no matter what. But now... Things were so different.

 

“Kibum ah....” The soft voice of Yesung had penetrated into his train of thoughts. “Do you think there’s still a chance of things going back to how they were when Kyuhyun wakes up?”

 

 _When._ Kibum was glad that Yesung had used the word ‘When’, not ‘If’, as that would break his heart even more.

 

“I don’t know hyung...” He replied honestly. “I don’t know.”

 

“But trying doesn’t hurt does it.” Kibum looked at Yesung in surprise, surprised by the amount of hope that that single sentence contained. Yesung’s eyes, sparkled with hope and confidence, but also tinted with specks of guilt.

 

Kibum had never felt this grossed out before. On how they had neglected their maknae for the sake of work and fame. He promise himself to never do that again, and he was sure that Yesung felt that way too.

 

“No hyung. It doesn’t hurt to try.”

 

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

_Wee-woo! Wee-woo! Wee-oo! Wee-oo!_

 

_Heechul, like Donghae, had originally hated the ambulance siren, but now it was like music to his ears. He stepped back from the railing quickly, not wanting to see Kyuhyun in that state. Helpless. Weak. Breaking. He swore that he would never want to see Kyuhyun like that, after the 2007 car accident. But like Dong Hae, he was breaking his promise._

 

_He watched silently as the paramedics quickly loaded Kyuhyun into the ambulance, his mind to numb to fully process what his eyes were seeing_

 

_“Hmm.. Excuse me. But only one of you can come and accompany your friend in the ambulance.” The paramedic stuttered hesitantly. Heechul wanted to punch her.  ‘Your friend’ has a name damn it. He’s called Kyuhyun. And he’s more than a friend. He’s our beloved maknae. Our younger brother whom we all cherished. Or did we?_

 

_But Heechul knew that venting out the anger on the paramedic wouldn’t wake Kyuhyun up. In fact, it MIGHT cause the situation to worsen and Heechul wasn’t taking a risk like that._

 

_“I’ll go. The rest can follow in the vans. Kangin, Leeteuk, Yesung, Kibum, Shindong, in one van. The rest of them in the other.” Heechul ordered, seeing that the crying leader was in no state to give orders, and as being the second eldest, it was only his right to do it._

 

_The members nodded before they left to board the vans as quickly as possible. Heechul himself entered the ambulance, sat down, and looked towards the sight, refusing to see Kyuhyun’s bloodied figure._

 

_Hankyung watched as the ambulance drove away with his best friend and the maknae._

 

_“Ok guys. You heard him. We have to get going as soon possible.”  Hankyung took charge. Like the natural leader he was, he guided Kangin and his group into their van before boarding his own._

 

_He had to say that he was impressed by Heechul. Heechul went with Kyuhyun as he was the only one who could maintain a calm figure without crying. So could Sungmin and Kibum, but they have to be there to provide support for the other hyungs._

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

 

Hankyung took a deep breath in to calm himself as he held Heechul protectively. He knew that the toll of him leaving had taken on Heechul much more than it had on any other member. Heechul had to deal with losing a best friend and a brother, the same as the rest of the members. But what Heechul had to face further was coming back to an empty dorm. Coming back with no one to greet him happily. No one to argue with. No one to wake him up in the morning with the aromatic smell of Beijing fried rice. The list could go on forever. Basically, when Hankyung left, a part of Heechul’s heart left along with him. Seeing Kyuhyun jump had broke him.

 

Hankyung had no choice. He didn’t wanted to leave Super Junior but SM was driving him nuts. He hadn’t been given a break in 2 whole years straight. If that went on, he might have died thanks to stress. The decision took him a long time to make and it almost broke his heart.

 

_Kyuhyun.... Hyung is so sorry for being so weak. Hyung should have stayed...... Hyung should have... Ge hen dui bu qi! Ru guo zhi dao le ni ze me xin ku. Ge bu hui zou de. Ge zhen de hen zi bei. Hen dui bu qi! (Hyung is so sorry! If I had known that you were going through so much stress, I shouldn’t have left. Hyung is so *self-blaming? i don’t know how to translate zi bei*. I am so sorry!) (哥很对不起。如果知道了你这么辛苦，哥不会走的。哥很自卑。很对不起！）_

 

Siwon looked at the tired man on his right. He sighed and started to sing softly, hoping to ease the tense diva into a light slumber for him to rest, all the while never removing his hand from the back.

 

_Kyuhyun.. Why didn’t you come and find me? Why didn’t you come and find anyone of us? We could have make time and listen to you. Wait.... Would we? Oh Kyuhyun.. I am so sorry. I am so sorry that it took such a heart wrenching incident for us to realize our mistakes. Oh god.... I am so sorry. Dear god, please let Kyuhyun survive. I promise that I’ll be a better hyung next time. All of us will. So please dear god, let Kyuhyun live. Don’t drag him off yet._

 

Shindong stared outside the window. His body there but his mind else where.

 

_Oh Kyuhyun? Why did you have to bottle it all up? I would have gladly sacrificed my lunch time to talk to you... On second thoughts. maybe not. But Kyuhyun..... Why? You know first hand that bottling up emotions isn’t good, so why? I’ll give anything for you to survive the operation. Even my most treasured beef stock in the fridge. Heck, I’ll even go on a 2 month diet for you!_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Leeteuk started twisting in Kangin’s hold, struggling violently as he was being haunted by the scene yet again. But not just the scene when Kyuhyun jumped, but the entire incident, from the phonecall to when the ambulance arrived, as if mocking him yet again and again on how he had failed his duty.

 

“Oi. Leeteuk. Wake up! Wake up!” Kangin’s desperate voice had attracted the attention of the remaining 10 members. They stared in shock at their struggling leader before running over, all abandoning their seats to calm their frantic umma down.

 

Leeteuk’s eyes flew open with a gasp, the surroundings still blurry to him, but nonetheless,  he was able to make out figures of his members, staring down at him concernedly. He grabbed Kangin’s shirt before burying himself into the younger’s chest, taking in deep breaths to calm himself now.

 

“Teukie hyung. What happened?’ Donghae asked concernedly.

 

Leeteuk shook his head, not wanting to talk about the nightmare. No. It wasn’t a nightmare. It was a memory. A memory that it had happened for real.

 

“Hyung.. Its not your fault. It’s not. It’s our fault too. So stop blaming yourself.” Kibum said, knowing what his leader would be thinking.

 

“No. I should have noticed him breaking. I should have sacrificed more time to be with him. I should have helped him. I should have been a better leader....”

 

“Park Jungsoo.” Heechul said firmly, as he grabbed Leeteuk’s chin, forcing the latter to look up at him. “You have been a good leader. You’re the best we could ever ask for. So stop blaming yourself. We still can make this better when Kyuhyun wakes up. So stop. Please.” He continued in a soft voice, warmth underlying in the tone, as he leaned towards Leeteuk and their foreheads touched.

 

 _When._ No one said _If,_ because they believe that their maknae would survive. Kyuhyun was strong. And he would always be.

 

Leeteuk closed his eyes, and leaned in into the touch. Just then, the door opened and the doctor walked out towards them.

 

“Excuse me. But are you here for Cho Kyuhyun?” He asked.

 

“Yes we are.” Leeteuk said standing up, quickly replacing his initial frantic expression with a calm one.

 

“We have news about Kyuhyun sshi.” The doctor continued.

 

Everyone gulped nervously. They hoped that it was good new. They wanted it to be good new. Because if it wasn’t, then they had no idea how they would cope.

 

“Kyuhyun is.....”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 3 - Alive

 

 _Oh god.... Please don’t let him be dead. Anything but dead._ That single thought ran through their minds, over and over again, repeating itself. This was Super Junior we were talking about. They could deal with almost anything. ALMOST anything. Sure they could deal with hosting 4 radio shows in a go. They could deal with finishing an album in 2 months, along with the music videos, by giving up their sleep. They could deal with holding Super Shows for 5 consecutive days, without any rest. But they couldn’t deal with their maknae dying.

 

“Kyuhyun is resting. He _survived_ the operation.”

 

Thump. 

 

Leeteuk had slumped to the ground in relief. His knees had buckled when he heard the news. _Kyuhyun is alive. He’s alive. Our maknae is alive!_ He almost cried with joy. Kangin and Sungmin knelt down and helped their leader up, their eyes brimming with tears. Not tears of sadness, of course not! Who would cry because of sadness at this miracle? The antis might. But not his brothers!

 

Heechul collapsed back onto the seat, breathing out in relief, while Hankyung smiled a watery smile. Kibum started planning on how to defeat Kyuhyun in the next game of star craft. Siwon was praying happily to God, thanking him for keeping Kyuhyun alive. Ryeowook had bursted out in sobs again, this time clinging onto Yesung. Shindong had already started drafting out ideas for what Kyuhyun might want to eat when he woke up, before deciding to leave that job to Ryeowook as it was making him hungry. He hadn’t eaten since that phone call from Leeteuk. Eunhyuk and Donghae had started dancing around in joy, planning on their next prank on Kyuhyun.

 

“But...”

 

The members paused. They have never hated the word ‘But’ so much than now. Why does there always have to be a ‘But’? They should have known. WIth every good thing, something bad will always happen.

 

“He’s in a coma right now. His physical injuries will heal. But we can’t say the same for his mental status.”

 

They stared at the doctor. And stared. And stared. And stared. The doctor shifted uneasily under their stares. It wasn’t easy to remain calm under 12 scrutinizing stares.

 

“Of course he’ll heal. Both his mental state and physical state.” Kibum retorted casually. Of course Kyuhyun would heal. This was Cho Kyuhyun they’re talking about. The naughty maknae who always loved to bully his hyungs. The evil maknae who always dropped all formalities when talking to them. The gaming obsessed maknae who loved Starcraft more than anything, except Super Junior. The strong maknae that had survived the 2007 car accident. Super Junior’s beloved maknae. None of the members could even believed that the doctor had even DARED to think that Kyuhyun wouldn’t be able to heal.

 

“That’s a relief to hear. But he’s in a coma.”

 

Oh. So he’s in a coma right now. That’s alright because he’s alive.Wait….. WHAT????? A coma? And they stared again at the doctor.

 

“How long will he be in that... that state?” Leeteuk gulped nervously, anticipating the doctor’s answer.

 

“We’re not sure. It all depends on his mental will. But if we are basing it only on his physical injuries, then we would say around 2 to 3 weeks.” The doctor apologized profusely. 

 

2 weeks. 2 long weeks. But they were willing to wait that long. Heck, they would even be willing to wait forever for their maknae. Ok, maybe not forever. But they were willing to wait for their dear maknae to wake up.

 

“Can we visit him now?” Heechul asked.

 

“Not now, I’m afraid. He needs to rest after the 7 hours long operation. You can visit tomorrow.” The doctor replied, taking his leave but not before receiving a nod from the leader.

 

Leeteuk sighed, as he fell back down on the seat, looking at the ceiling. Now that was out of the way, the fact that Kyuhyun had survived and all they had to do was to wait for him to wake up before screaming at him and showering him with so much love that he might puke. And having to deal with the fans and the media as the leader.

 

Standing up, he ordered. “So now we know that Kyu is out of danger. Let’s go back to the dorm. I’ll cancel our schedule for tomorrow so that we can visit him. “

 

“But hyung? What about the media and fans?” Sungmin asked.

 

“Our manager had just told them that Kyuhyun had fainted from exhaustion, so at most, we just have to deal with over paranoid fans and the reporters.”

 

“Hankyung? What about you?” All attention turned to the said man.

 

“Hmm...” The Chinese man shifted from one foot to the other. “The manager said that I could stay here until Kyuhyun recovers, so.....”

 

“Good. Then you’re rooming with me. And for your information, it’s even after Kyuhyun recovers.” Heechul said, possessively, grabbing Hankyung’s arm, tugging him closer, glaring at the other members, as if daring them to protest.

 

The rest of the members nodded. Hankyung was the only one who could handle Heechul and his mood swings, without getting totally killed. And furthermore, they wanted to let those 2 talk things out, about Hankyung leaving, and hopefully the diva would be able to talk his best friend into staying with Super Junior.

 

The ride back to the dorm was in silence. most of them in their own thoughts, with some already drifting off into dream land.

 

Leeteuk had to wake most of the members up as they had already fallen asleep in the van, tired out from the events that had happened all in one day. They stood up groggily, allowing Leeteuk to push them toward the direction of their dorm, with Hankyung helping him, as the Chinese man didn’t want the leader to have anymore stress than he already was shouldering.

 

Standing at the living room of the dorm, Leeteuk commanded. “I want ALL of you to go to sleep immediately. No drinking soju, or staying up to watch aliens, or eating a snack, or whatsoever.”

 

“Immediately? Without changing out?” Donghae asked, innocently with wide puppy eyes.

 

“And without bathing?” Eunhyuk followed his best friend.

 

“Yes, and without a goodnight kiss and hug from you and everything?” Heechul joined in, sarcastically.

 

“Yes yes. That too and all the basics.” Leeteuk chuckled, glad to see that his dongsaengs were no longer so depressed. “But not the goodnight kiss and hug.”

 

“Awww..... Umma!” Came the protest.

 

“I’m not your umma! Go change now and we’ll see about that.” All of them hurried up to change, eager to get a hug from their beloved leader, but not before Heechul threw a knowing smirk to Leeteuk. 

 

Leeteuk smiled. All was well again. And now they were just waiting for their maknae so that they would be complete again.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 4 - Wake Up Sleeping Beauty(s)

 

“Guys! Wake up! Now!”

 

Leeteuk shouted from the living room. Muffled moans could be heard throughout the dorm as the members protested against waking up early in the morning. Leeteuk sighed before deciding to go and wake them up personally. He knew that they wanted to sleep in to get more rest due to the energy drained from yesterday’s events. But he also knew that if they wanted to visit Kyuhyun in the hospital, they had to finish their schedules first. He had managed to clear their afternoon and evening schedules but not their morning ones.

 

“Aish. These kids.” He muttered as he made his way up the stairs.

 

He entered the first room where Shindong and Siwon were sleeping.

 

“Shindong. Shindong.”

 

He walked over to the said man and started shaking him. “Aish.....”

 

“Hmm...... Go away.” Shindong muttered, before turning his body around to bury his head into his pillow. “Lemme sleep....” He then proceeded to use his hands to swat Leeteuk, who was hovering over him, away like an annoying fly.

 

“Shindong, there’s ramen.” Leeteuk shouted as the last resort.

 

“I don’t care....” The muffled voice could barely be heard. “Gimme later...”

 

Wow. Shindong won’t wake up for ramen? That’s a first. He must be really tired, but he needed to wake up if he wanted to visit Kyuhyun later.

 

“Shindong. We have to wake up and complete today’s schedule before visiting Kyuhyun at the hospital.” The umma sighed.

 

“Kyuhyun? What happened? Can we go now?” Shindong perked awake at the very mention of the maknae’s name, getting up so quickly that he somehow managed to tangle himself in his blanket and rolled onto the floor in a jumbled mess. Leeteuk chuckled at the scene as he helped Shindong up, yet touched at the concern the latter held for the maknae, even when asleep.

 

Leeteuk looked over to the next bed, where Siwon was already sitting up, woken up by the thud that Shindong had made.

 

“Sadly, not yet. We have to finish this morning schedule’s first. Wash up and get dressed, then come down for breakfast. Ok?” Leeteuk answered.

 

“Yes umma.” They replied.

 

Leeteuk smiled affectionately at the title, before he walked over to the next room, where Hankyung and Heechul were sleeping.

 

Opening the door, he smiled at the scene in front of him. Heechul was sprawled over Hankyung while the Chinese man had draped one arm protectively over the princess. Cinderella must have missed his best friend a lot.

 

“Hankyung. Hankyung.” Leeteuk called softly, choosing to wake the said man first since he was an early riser, and partially because he did not want to face Heechul’s wrath at being woken up early in the morning. Hankyung was the only who could deal with that. So could Kyuhyun, he thought bitterly.

 

Hankyung opened his eyes to stare blearily at the figure in front of him, before proceeding to rub the sleep out of his eyes. “Ge, zao-” He said, before realizing that he was speaking in Chinese. He smiled sheepishly as he switched back to Korean. Leeteuk smiled and shook his head at Hankyung. Hankyung was one of the few members which he didn’t need to worry about.

 

“Chullie. Get up.” Hankyung poked at the diva that was sleeping on him.

 

“Hmm..... A few more minutes.” Heechul replied before burrowing his head further into Hankyung’s chest.

 

Hankyung smiled back up at Leeteuk. “Go, go wake up the rest. I’ll get Heechul to wake up and dress him.”

 

Leeteuk smiled his thanks, before moving on to the next room, where Sungmin and Kibum were.

 

Kibum had already woken up thanks to the previous shout that Leeteuk had made, and was already kicking Sungmin off the bed in an attempt to wake him, too lazy for words. Leeteuk opened the door just in time to see Sungmin roll off the bed, with Kibum’s leg just behind him.

 

“Oww.... Kibum. What was that for?” Sungmin asked, nursing his injured butt that had kissed the floor with a thump. “Is that any way to wake up your hyung? Oh. Good morning umma.” He greeted the leader, mind too fuzzy to think of any other title other than ‘umma’.

 

Kibum looked up at the indirect mention and nodded a good morning at the leader. Leeteuk rolled his eye’s at Sungmin’s last sentence, somewhere wondering at the back his mind why the kids would prefer calling him umma instead of leader.

 

“Kibum ah. Don’t bully Sungmin.” He gently reprimanded Kibum before repeating the instructions that he had told Siwon and Shindong.

 

They nodded their heads, before Kibum proceeding to help Sungmin up as an apology to his hyung and heading to the toilet.

 

Leeteuk opened the next door, revealing Eunhae curled up on the bed, cuddling each other, **(refer to Super Junior’s mini drama episode 2)** their blankets and pillows all strewn on the floor.

 

“Hyukkie, Hae, wake up. It’s morning.” He called out, walking over to the bed. The room was rather dark as compared to the rest, since they had drawn the curtains.

 

“Hmm....” A moan was heard from Eunhyuk, as he snuggled closer to his best friend.

 

“Guys.... wake up.” Leeteuk said, before walking over to the curtains, pulling it up, allowing the bright sunlight to stream into the room

 

“Ok, we’re up, we’re up. Just close the curtains.” Donghae mumbled, turning his head away from the light.

 

Leeteuk chuckled seeing his two dongsaengs desperately trying to avoid the light from their not yet awake eyes.

 

“Wash up, get dressed and be down in 15 minutes for breakfast. We have to finish our schedules this morning before visiting Kyuhyun.” He ordered, giving them a time limit as he knows that the monkey and fishy would take their own sweet time otherwise. Taking pity on the suffering two, he lowered the curtains to half, just in case they plan on sleeping again. But eager to see their maknae, those two had no thoughts on that.

 

As the leader walked out, ready to wake the last two, he was surprised to see Yesung standing in front of him, dressed and fresh.

 

“They were too noisy for us to continue sleeping.” Yesung offered an explanation upon seeing the umma’s confused face. ‘They’ referring to the other members who were making a racket upon waking up and were still doing so. “Wookie went to make breakfast.”

 

“Ah......” Leeteuk nodded in acknowledgement.

 

“I saw you waking up Eunhyuk and Donghae, I can see Kibum and Sungmin and Shindong in the kitchen, and Siwon praying ALREADY. And heck, you can even hear Heechul shrieking from here,” Yesung said, as he covered his ears, “And Hankyung is with him. But where’s Kangin?”

 

“Oh. He went to his schedule already. He said he would head to the hospital and meet us there.” Leeteuk answered, as they made their way towards the kitchen.

 

“Without eating breakfast?” Came Ryeowook’s surprised shout from the kitchen.

 

“He said that he would grab a sandwich from a supermarket.” Leeteuk replied.

 

“He’d better.” Ryeowook muttered under his breath.

 

Leeteuk smiled slightly as he heard Ryeowook. Despite being the umma of the group, Ryeowook was the one who was in charge of getting the members to eat and cook for them, along with Hankyung. Sometimes Leeteuk would help out by dragging the members to the dining table when it’s time to eat. The hardest had always been Kyuhyun, tearing him away from his beloved game, Starcraft. Leeteuk reminisced with a sad smile.

 

“Hey I’m back.” The door opened as Kangin magically appeared.

 

“And you were saying....?” Yesung asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“I’m done with this morning’s schedule. They just dragged me off to record a scene that had been accidentally deleted.” Kangin offered an explanation about his early return. “Wookie ah! Cook me food too! I’m hungry.”

 

“Didn’t you get a sandwich from the supermarket?” Leeteuk asked.

 

“Yup! But Wookie’s food is the best.” Kangin said casually, causing the eternal maknae to blush.

 

“And Kyungie’s not?” Heechul asked, suddenly appearing at the top of the staircase, with Hankyung in tow.

 

“Yes yes yes. Hankyung’s food is the best too.” Kangin replied hastily. He, like Leeteuk, did not wish to face the diva’s wrath, especially in the morning.

 

Ryeowook placed the plates in front of the members who were now sitting in front of the dining table.

 

“Wookie. Kyuhyun’s not here.” Hankyung murmured softly. Ryeowook had cooked for thirteen, instead of twelve, a habit that he had developed since cooking for his members.

 

“Oh....” Ryeowook looked down, embarrassed. He had forgotten that the maknae wasn’t here with them. _He should be with us,_ Ryeowook thought. _Sitting with us, not lying in the hospital._ An awkward silence hung over the table.

 

“Ah.. It’s ok. I’ll eat his share.” Eunhyuk said quickly, taking the plate that had been put in front of Kyuhyun’s usual seat.”I’m rather hungry this morning.”

 

 _But it should be Kyuhyun snatching Eunhyuk’s share. Not the other way round._ That single thought ran through everyone’s mind, including Eunhyuk’s.

 

 

“Ya! Why are you so slow! Hurry up!” Kangin shouted from where he was standing at the hospital’s door. “The others are here already!”

 

“Sorry sorry. But Sukira’s directors refused to let us go until they finished editing the entire thing.” Leeteuk apologized profusely. Super Junior members had finished their morning schedule and agreed to meet at the hospital at 3pm ( **15** 00). All of them had arrived except for Eunhyuk and Leeteuk. It was currently half past four.

 

“Mm... This way.” Kangin turned and led the way to where the other members were. They were standing a distance away from Kyuhyun’s room, wanting to see their maknae together as a group.

 

“Ok everyone. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Breath in, breath out.” Heechul ordered. Everyone obeyed. They were nervous. Very nervous in fact, of the sight that they were going to face.

 

Leeteuk walked over to the door and placed his hand over the door knob, ready to turn it, but he froze.

 

“I can’t. I can’t. I just can’t. What if... He’s no longer the maknae we used to know. What if he’s covered with scars? What if....” Leeteuk started rambling, unable to hold in the apprehension he felt.

 

Suddenly, a warm feeling enveloped him, cutting off his ramblings. He looked in surprise to find Sungmin hugging him from the back, head resting on his right shoulder, eyes closed.

 

“It’ll be fine, hyung. Everything will be fine.”

 

His soft whisper tickled Leeteuk’s ear as Sungmin breathed out.

 

 _Yes, everything will be fine. It has to be and will be and must be, else no one knows how Super Junior will be able to cope with it._ Leeteuk thought.

 

A hand covered the leader’s own and he turned his head to the left swiftly, drawing a muffled protest from Sungmin as the umma’s hair met the latter’s face, just in time to catch a soft smile appearing on a certain diva’s lips.

 

“Together.”

 

 _Yes, they’ll do this together. As friends, as a family, as brothers forever._ Taking a deep breath, Leeteuk turned the knob and pushed open the door slowly, bracing himself mentally for the sight that he was about to face.

 

A muffled sob was heard somewhere from behind, as Ryeowook latched himself immediately on the nearest person, who happened to be Shindong. Donghae gasped, mouthing opening and closing like a fish out of water, with Eunhyuk placing an arm over his shoulders to support him. Heechul tightened his hand hold on Leeteuk’s, his other free hand finding his way to Hankyung. The Chinese man allowed his hand to be held, before leaning against the door, heaving a sigh, eyes closed. Kibum gulped heavily, while Yesung looked away, staring into nowhere. Sungmin’s knees buckled and he almost met the floor had it not been for Kangin who got him just in time.

 

Kyuhyun was resting on the bed. No, not resting. Sleeping. No wait, not sleeping either. He was lying on the bed. Yes, lying, in a coma. The maknae’s skin was pale, almost as pale as the bed sheet that was covering him. The only thing that was able to set him apart was his hair, standing out against the white pillow. Machines were attached to him, one that was keeping him breathing, one that was pumping goodness-knows-what into his body and one was a blood drip. Simply said, he was surrounded by machines.

 

His chest moved up and down slightly, the only indication that he was breathing and alive, other than that, nothing.

 

No, this wasn’t right. Kyuhyun shouldn’t be lying there. He should be with Super Junior, laughing and bullying his hyungs. Or just sitting there and playing starcraft, snapping at any one who bullies him. They shouldn’t even be in the hospital in the first place. They should be at the dorm, together as a family.

 

“Kyu, wake up please.”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 5 - Bonding And Returning

 

“哥，他怎么样？奎贤醒了吗？” （Ge, how’s he? Is Kyuhyun awake?）

 

Zhou Mi’s voiced echoed through the receiver.

 

Hankyung sighed. He was sitting on the bed, leaning against the bed, legs spread apart. He was calling the two other members that were in China. Despite them not being officially classified as Super Junior members, the bond between them and Super Junior was as strong as the bond between the members themselves.

 

“不。。。还没有。你有给 Henry 讲吗?（  Not. Not yet. Did you tell Henry?” ）Hankyung asked.

 

Some shuffling noises were heard over the phone before a short “No” was given back. Zhou Mi then continued to explain in a mix of Chinese and Korean to prevent his parents from understanding. When Super Junior was in China, they had crashed Hankyung’s and Zhou Mi’s house. Zhou Mi’s parents had welcomed them with open arms, especially Kyuhyun.

 

“我不想要 Mochi 担心。 奎贤醒了后，我才告诉他。” (I don’t want Mochi to worry, so I’ll tell him when Kyuhyun wakes up.）

 

“What did he say?” Heechul asked as he walked into Hankyung’s room.

 

Hankyung put a hand over the receiver before mouthing ‘He didn’t tell Henry’. Heechul nodded and plunked himself onto the bed. Hankyung moved to make way for him and placed the phone on loud speaker.

 

They didn’t tell Henry because no one wanted to see him sad. Having a crying Ryeowook, a self-blaming Leeteuk, a sobbing Eunhyuk, and a frantic Donghae was bad enough, but having an emotional Henry was even worse than all four of them added together. Furthermore, Henry was sitting for his exams and they didn’t want him to abandon his exams and rush over to Korea. Kyuhyun wouldn’t want it either. He would probably skin his hyungs alive for doing that to Henry and ask them why they wanted to bother Henry when he was busy. No one had to heart to break it to the real maknae too.

 

“我需要挂电话了。Henry会过来吃晚饭。我也需要帮他复习功课。等他五天后考完试，我们立刻过来。” （I have hang up now. Henry is coming over for dinner and I have to help him revise. His exams will end in five days’ time and we’ll come over immediately after that.）Zhou Mi replied while clanking sounds could be heard, presumably him in the kitchen getting ready to make dinner.

 

“那时再见。” (See you then.) Hankyung said.

  
“Stay strong, Seasoning.” Heechul chimed in.  
  
Tutt.....

 

The sound continued monotonously as Zhou Mi hung up at the other end. Heechul stared at the phone that was lying on the bed between them - Hankyung and him, before reaching over and putting it on silent mode. With a sigh, he rested his head on Hankyung’s lap while the Chinese man ran his hand through the diva’s hair affectionately. The cat-like diva shut his eyes as he allowed himself to bask in his best friend’s warmth. 

 

It had came as a rude shock to him when the news of Hankyung leaving SM Entertainment was all over the newspaper. He knew that Hankyung would be leaving SM Entertainment, but it didn’t occur to him that his best friend would be leaving Super Junior, would be leaving him. Maybe it did already but he was in denial. Only when Hankyung told them face to face was he then forced to accept reality. Having lived in the same dorm as Hankyung for a few years and having a special relationship with him, the stab Heechul had received in the heart was big.

 

The week Hankyung left Super Junior, the day Hankyung left him, the minute Hankyung walked out of the door and maybe walking out of Heechul’s life for forever, was the second that a part of Heechul had left with Hankyung, had died. After that, Heechul was never the same. He went into depression for days, no, not even weeks. The diva went into depression for three months and secluded himself from the rest of the members, his only friends being his two cats, which he had named after Hankyung and himself, along with some of his closest friends. He didn’t even attend the stage or year end award shows. Thankfully, SM Entertainment had been understanding enough to not pressure him and let time heal his wounds, which could never be healed by a doctor, even the most professional ones. He only wished that SM Entertainment could have been _this_ understanding to Hankyung. Maybe even if they had showed half of it to the Chinese man, Hankyung wouldn’t have filed the lawsuit.

 

He had posted on his cyworld minihomphy pictures that they had taken together, the fun times they had, together with a statement - ‘I was in a big chaos. It was difficult for me to laugh on TV and dance on stage.’ And he even revealed in a interview, ‘I had some lingering emotions. Since I did not meet any people, depression got worse. I had lived with Hankyung, drank together and was really close. It was mentally difficult.’

 

Every day he would either lock himself in the room, not even coming out for meals or even going out for schedules. The only times he went out was to a bar where he would get himself drunk and had to get a member to drive him back. The minute he goes back, he would lock himself and the routine would begin all over again.

 

The wound the other members have received was painful too, but no one’s pain could be compared to Heechul’s, not even if they add their pain together. The pain the members felt would be intensified each day when they see Heechul in depression. They wanted to reach out to the diva and save him from sinking further. But the only person who’s capable of doing that was gone. And he would never be coming back. So imagine their reactions when they found a surprise waiting for them at the door step one evening around 7pm.

 

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

_“Rrrring.....”_

 

_“Rrrring.....”_

 

_The doorbell of Super Junior’s dorm rang incessantly. The members looked up in surprise. They weren’t really doing anything. Just lazing around and staring out of the window, looking at the world go pass. Things have changed since Hankyung have left. Laughter was hardly heard at all. Words were hardly spoken. Members were treading on thin glass whenever Heechul was around, which was hardly, as if any word about Hankyung could send the Cinderella into pieces. After Hankyung had left, the members had obtained permission to drag Zhou Mi and Henry over to Korea and stay with them. They didn’t want anyone to experience this devastation alone. Anyway, they were at a loss at what to do when they heard the doorbell ring. They weren’t expecting any visitors that day, and no one would visit them at night, and their manager had left to attend a meeting. Super Junior had already given up all hope of Hankyung returning. For the first month, whenever the doorbell had rung, all of them, especially Heechul, used to rush down the stairs and fling open the door, expecting to see Hankyung standing there, with a smile on his face, only to sigh in disappointment when it was only a member or their manager. At times, it would be one of TVXQ’s members who would come to check up on them and console them, since they had gone through the exact pain only a few months before them._

 

_“Rrrring.....”_

 

_The doorbell rang for the third time before Donghae sighed in frustration and stood up, going to the door to open it. He stormed his way there, footsteps full of annoyance and irritation, but underlying it, with no one noticing, not even Donghae himself, was a small tint of hope, for somewhere in his heart, he was still hoping for Hankyung to return. They were all still hoping._

 

_The members returned to their own business, only to turn their heads back in the direction of the door rapidly when Donghae screamed._

 

_He had walked over to the door and flung it open, about to shout out a rather irritated ‘What’, which immediately died in his throat, not even succeeding making its first syllable out of his mouth when he saw the figure standing outside the door. A surprised scream made its way to his throat, this time succeeding leaving his mouth, before he quickly muffled it with his scream and stared at the figure with wide eyes._

 

_A shuffling of feet was heard as the members quickly made their way to Donghae, their attraction drawn by his previous._

 

_“Hae, what’s wron-” Eunhyuk was about to ask but his voice failed him when he saw the person who rang the doorbell. His eyes were filled with tears within a minute and he gulped heavily. Donghae took a deep breath, and turned to Eunhyuk, hugging him tightly. Sobs could be heard as Ryeowook latched himself onto Yesung’s shirt, crying. Shindong had ran off already, being the first one to react, possibly to find food to celebrate.   Kyuhyun had leaned himself onto Sungmin and smiled a wearily, yet a genuine smile. Sungmin just stared and stared and stared, before jerking back heavily to his senses when Kibum nudged him sharply. Leeteuk was shaking with sobs as he hid his face in his hands, with Kangin as support. He was torn between standing there and running to hug the person. Luckily, Zhou Mi had already made that decision for me. He ran to the figure, before tackling him in a hug, with Henry following behind. A string of Chinese words followed, with Kyuhyun only able to make out ‘你.。我不喜欢你了。你真的回来了。天啊，我们好想你哦。’  ( You. I no like you. You’re really back. Oh god. We missed you）Of course, there were other words, probably curse words, but Kyuhyun wasn’t able to make out due to his limited understanding of Chinese, possibly Zhou Mi and Henry screaming curses at the person before starting to cry and showering him with welcoming words. Siwon just stood there, smiling stupidly before moving to hug the ringer of the doorbell gently._

 

_For standing at the doorstep was no other than their very own Hankyung._

 

_He’s back._

 

_He smiled at them wearily, but with eyes twinkling with love and care for his members before pushing past them gently and heading upstairs to a certain diva’s room, with his members following him. He paused outside the room and knocked gently on the door._

 

_“Go away.” A muffled voice, hoarse from not using it for a long time, was heard._

 

_The voice struck a chord in Hankyung’s heart. It was his first time hearing Heechul like hat and it pained him deeply. But he knew he only had himself to blame as he was the sole cause of his best friend’s state. Turning to Leeteuk with questioning eyes, the leader answered._

 

_“He had been like that ever since you left.”_

 

_Three months. Heechul had been in the state of depression for three months. Hankyung knew, but he was still surprised. He had read it from the internet and even heard it on the interview. When he left, he wasn’t allowed to contact Super Junior. But there hasn’t been one day that Hankyung spend without thinking of his family in Korea. He missed them badly and always wondered how things would have been different if he didn’t leave. Everyday, he would check for updates on them without fail, like an obsessed fangirl, but his sincerity being much more._

 

_“Do you have the key?” He asked in a soft voice. Oh, how the members had long to hear his voice and they wanted to hug him right there, right now. But they knew that it wasn’t the time for that. It was the time for Heechul to come out of his depression and for Super Junior to be a happy family again._

 

_Ryeowook nodded and disappeared, only to come back after a few minutes, with the key to Heechul’s room in his hand. He handed the key to Hankyung, who inserted it into the lock and turned it. The lock unlocked with a ‘click’, and the Chinese man slowly pushed the door opening, with the members bracing themselves for the sight. No one had actually seen Heechul in the light properly before since when he comes out to go to the bar, it’s always night, his face often being shadowed._

 

_The room was dark. The curtains were drawn and even if the sun rises, hardly much sunlight would be able to enter the room. There was a depressing suffocating aura in the room which made the Super Junior members suffocate and gag. It was surprisingly well kept though, with Hankyung’s side still intact. Not one of his belongings which he had left behind were removed. Instead, they were kept in a good condition. His bed was nicely made, only with a lonely, once hyperactive, figure lying on it, facing the ceiling with his arms over his eyes._

 

_“Heechul.” Hankyung’s voice came out as a whisper, voice ricocheting about the room, amplifying it._

 

_The figure on the bed didn’t even move, not even when Kibum turned on the table lamp, dim light flooding the room, causing the members to blink rapidly for their eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness, no matter how dim it was. They feared for the diva’s eyes for he had been in the dark room for longer time then them, but the mentioned person didn’t even twitch a muscle. Fearing the worst, the members hurried to the bed, only to be stop when the hoarse voice responded._

 

_“What do you want?”_

 

_“Heechul --” Hankyung repeated again._

 

_“Great. Now I’m going crazy. I am even beginning to hallucinate his voice.” The diva spoke once more, cutting Hankyung off, without even moving. He then started to cough, his thin frame shaking profusely. Just by saying three sentences, he had strained his voice which hasn’t been properly used for three months._

 

_Hankyung couldn’t stand seeing his best friend in such a state, moved over to the bed, and pulled the person lying there into a hug._

 

_“You’re not, Chullie. I’m so sorry. I’m here now. I’m so sorry. I won’t ever leave again. I promise upon my soul.” Hankyung mumbled in a broken voice. It cracked his heart to see how much Heechul had been affected by his leave. Never in his life would he want to see any of the Super Junior members like that, especially Heechul. He continued to whisper calming words into Heechul’s ears, speech often filled with apologies, that was also directed to the rest of the members who were standing there._

 

_Heechul finally broke down, crying heavily as he buried himself into Hankyung’s chest, murmuring ‘You’re back. You’re really back.’, like a broken recorder. Unable to handle it anymore, Eunhyuk ran to them and hug them both. Soon, it became a group hug with Hankyung and Heechul stuck it the middle._

 

_Kyuhyun felt a pang in his heart, even though Hankyung was back. It’s not really pain, more like fear, more like the dread that Hankyung was going to leave again. Staring at the happy scene in front of him, he pushed that thought to the back of his mind and joined the hug._

 

_“Yah! What are you bastards trying to do? Are you trying to suffocate me?”_

 

_Heechul’s annoyed scream vibrated through the dorm, along with the members’ laughter. The Heechul they knew was finally back._

 

_The next day, the manager opened the door to a rather empty dorm, only to find all fifteen of them squished into one room - Hankyung’s and Heechul’s, sleeping together peacefully, all with a genuine smile that hasn’t been seen for more than a few months on their faces._

 

_~ Flashback ~_

 

Heechul chuckled at the memory, only to find Hankyung looking down at him with a questioning smile. He reached up and pinched his roommate’s cheeks, only to be slapped away gently in annoyance.

 

“Nothing. Just thinking of how I had been when you left.”

 

“You’ve been acting like a girl who got dumped by a boyfriend.”

 

“Hey.” Heechul smacked Hankyung on the arm playfully. “Having your best friend leave you isn’t any different.”

 

“I’m sorry. I won’t do that again. I promise.” Hankyung apologized immediately, knowing that he had caused Super Junior great pain during that time.

 

“You better not. Else I’ll grab Zhou Mi and Kangin and go to China to drag you back.” Heechul said jokingly as he sat up.

 

“Kangin and you can’t even speak a proper sentence of Chinese.” Hankyung replied casually.

 

“Sure I can. Watch. 韩庚, 你这个大笨蛋。(Hankyung, you idiot.)” The diva replied, smirking.

 

“That’s not even a proper sentence.” The Chinese man replied, amused.

 

“Fine. That’s why for that sole reason, I’m dragging Seasoning along.” Heechul retorted immediately, as he stood up with Hankyung and stretched.

 

“He’s not going to be pleased.”  
  
“Don’t care. He doesn’t have a say in this.” 

 

They would have gone on forever, back to their typical argument-yet-not-really-an-argument if not for Ryeowook’s shout, “Dinner is ready.” and a flurry of colors ran past their room’s door.

 

“We better hurry unless you want to get screamed at by Ryeowook.” Heechul said as he grabbed Hankyung’s hand and led him downstairs. The eternal maknae, and the Chinese chef at times, was famous for his wrath when it comes to members skipping food and meals.

 

Walking down the stairs, they saw their members talking happily, despite the tinge of sadness in the atmosphere which they decided to brush aside. Shindong saw them and signaled for them to join in and they sat together as family.

 

All was well now. All they have to do was to wait for Henry to finish his exams and then him and Zhou Mi will come and join them together.

 

And of course, all that was left was for Kyuhyun to wake up for them to be a happy family again.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 6 - Mysterious Knocker

 

Leeteuk stared at the pale sleeping figure in front of him and sighed heavily. He leaned back in his chair, ran a hand over his tussled hair and allowed himself to close his eyes and rest. It had been a tiring day for him, and an even tiring week for all of their members. He had to attend interviews about Kyuhyun’s sudden absence and fed their fans the story of the maknae falling ill due to exhaustion, often leaving home as early as 5am and returning home only around 1am the next day.

 

None of the members wanted the E.L.Fs to worry for them. Their fans had their own personal problems to deal with and their own lives to live. As much as Super Junior loved the attention from their loyal and dedicated fans, they didn’t want them to focus too much attention on their idols and forget about their own lives. Of course, the antis had leapt at the very chance and start bashing Super Junior and SM Entertainment for slaving their idols. Leeteuk wouldn’t deny that their company had put lots stress and pressure on them, but the rumors that the antis had spread were ridiculous. None of the members had paid much attention to the antis and insults by them. For now, all they cared about was Kyuhyun and his current condition. Well, almost all of the members had paid the antis no heed. Heechul was the only one who reacted. But Heechul was Heechul. Being himself, he had posted a long post on twitter, again, telling the antis to piss off and find better things to do. Of course, in a much nicer way.

 

Sometimes, Leeteuk didn’t get the antis at all. Why did the antis even bother? If they were antis, that would mean that they hate Super Junior, right? So why did they even bother to spend time and effort on something they don’t even like? It was a waste of energy, he decided, for the antis. He smiled to himself as he recalled a comment that  Hankyung had said off handedly one day regarding the antis’ attacks after a particular diva had gone off an hour rant about them. “他们真的是吃饱撑了。“ (Loosely translated as they’re just too bored.) And he couldn’t agree more.

 

The Super Junior leader was drawn out of his thoughts by a soft knock on the door and looked up in surprise. He wasn’t expecting anyone to visit them. Other than the members themselves and the rest of the SM family, no one else knew that Kyuhyun was there. His eyes widened in surprise when he saw Yunho, DBSK’s leader standing there, leaning against the door, face shadowed. He thought that the latter would be in the dorm, seeing that he himself was in no shape to come out and face the media. Leeteuk nodded his head in a greeting and motioned for the younger to come in. As Yunho slumped himself down on the chair next to him, it was only then Leeteuk had a good look at the younger’s face thanks to the small ray of sunlight that was streaming through the crack of the drawn curtains. It was only a few months ago, closing to a year, that the three members of DBSK had filed the lawsuit and the entire issue had taken a toll on the leader himself. The media making a huge deal out of it wasn’t helping either. The remaining two members had decided to suspend all activities for the time being to give themselves time to recover from the emotional blow that they had received. It was hard for them to sing with more than half the group missing. It didn’t feel right. Something was wrong. Something was missing.

 

And just a week ago, when DBSK got the news that Kyuhyun had attempted suicide, their world sank lower if that was even possible. When Super Junior had found out that Kyuhyun had attempted suicide, at least they had thirteen other brothers to rely on for support. But Yunho and Changmin only had each other and with both of them wallowing in depression already, needless to say, there wasn’t much support that they could rely on. The leader of DBSK had no choice but to bear all the burden by himself as Changmin had locked himself in his room and sunk into depression, which was further fuelled when they were told that JYJ wasn’t allowed to contact them. Leeteuk appreciated what Yunho had done for Super Junior. Really he did. When Leeteuk had to go off for interviews, Yunho was always there to take care of the rest of Super Junior. It’s not that the rest of SM family didn’t help them. SHINee and SNSD had helped them to fend off the antis and took over on their radio shows, but Yunho and Changmin, they were there with them physically and in spirit, helping them to cope and soften the emotional stress, even though they were suffering heavily themselves.

 

DBSK and Super Junior had always been close, as far as Leeteuk could remember. They had even filmed a music video together during Christmas a few yard ago, titled ‘Show Me Your Love’, before JYJ had filed their lawsuit. The fans had even subbed as ‘DBSJ’, a combination of DBSK and Super Junior. It was fun times together, when they were together as a family, both DBSK and Super Junior. But those times were over, they were only something that all of them could only visit in their memories, the times when they would look back on their tears and laugh. But now, they would look back on their laughter and cry.

 

Yunho’s eyes were red and swollen, but no tears came out. It was as if he had been crying dryly, sobbing dry tears. Yunho had always been that kind of person, since the day he was born. Like Kyuhyun, he wasn’t the type to express his feelings openly whereas on the other hand, Changmin was. So, all Yunho could do was to keep his sorrow to himself and keep a strong face for Changmin and Super Junior but inside he was withering. His cheeks were sunken and hollow, face pale, his clothes were disheveled, as if he had been wearing the same clothes for the same week straight. The way he could hardly move his hand to his temples to relieve an invisible pain was excruciating to watch. Yunho’s eyes, Leeteuk thought, had gone through the most change and were the most depressing features of all. They look lost, as if he didn’t have a reason to live. His usual charismatic glint in his eyes was gone. It had left with JYJ.

 

“Don’t worry.” Leeteuk whispered as he placed as comforting hand on Yunho’s thigh, only to be answered back with a weary smile. He wished that he could do something to help Yunho, but who was he to do anything when he was low in dumps himself? All he could do now was to provide the DBSK’s leader with the support that he badly needed.

 

A knock on the door caught their attention and the two leaders’ heads snapped up at the sound. The knock was soft but audible as it echoed off the four walls of the room that they were in. The sound came once more before pausing and the door creaked slightly as somebody placed their weight on it. It was as if that person was contemplating whether to open the door or not. He knocked once more before walking away as the shuffling of feet could be heard. Leeteuk got up and dragged himself to the door before drawing it open. He didn’t know why he did that, even though it was clear that the person outside had left, but something told him that he had to open the door no matter what.

 

He looked outside and only managed to catch a glimpse of the retreating figure. His foot kicked something slightly and he looked down only to find, sitting in front of the door, was a basket full of sage and carnation of different colors **(in flower language, sage means esteem and health whereas carnations of mixed colors symbolizes health and energy)** along with a handwritten note - “Kyu, you idiot dongsaeng. Hurry up and wake up and stop making your beloved hyungs worry.” Leeteuk couldn’t help but allow a smile to grace his features before frowning in thought. Who could it be? Who sent it? No one other than their managers and the SM family knew that Kyuhyun was here? SHINee and SNSD were in Japan and BoA and Kangta were busy preparing for their own singles. f(x) was in goodness-knows-where practicing, so it couldn’t be any of the SM artistes. So who? It couldn’t be a fan either. If it was, the note would be filled with hearts and they would be calling Kyuhyun ‘oppa’ instead of dongsaeng. So who?

 

“What’s wrong?” Yunho’s voice called him back to the real world.

 

Leeteuk did nothing but motioned for Yunho to come and showed him the paper.

 

“Recognize the handwriting?” He asked.

 

Yunho frowned as he stared at the note. It looked familiar to him but somehow he couldn’t remember where he had seen it, even though it felt like he should know it. He shook his head in reply to Leeteuk’s question.

 

“Really? Ok. Don’t worry about it. Must be one of our family members.” Leeteuk reasoned out in the end. It had to be. They couldn’t find anyone else in their memory who knew where Kyuhyun was.

 

Unknown to them, a figure stood near the hospital, staring at the room that Kyuhyun was in before looking at the sky and sighing.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 7 - Darkness Turns Into Light

 

~ Kyuhyun’s POV ~

 

Where am I?

 

It’s dark. I can’t see anything.

 

Leeteuk hyung? Sungmin hyung? Kangin hyung? Guys?

 

Where are you? Where is everyone.

 

It’s too quiet. There’s no noise.

 

There’s nothing. No smell, no light, no noise. Nothing at all.

 

What should I do?

I’m scared.

 

Hyungs, save me. I’m scared

 

 

~ Normal POV ~

 

Kyuhyun blinked slowly and rubbed his eyes gently before pushing himself up into a sitting position and looked around. It was black. Everywhere was darkness, as if he had ended up in a never ending abyss. He didn’t even know whether he’s on flat ground, floating or just falling freely. He supposed it was the first one, seeing how he was lying down when he woke up.

 

Kyuhyun stretched out his hands, sighing as he watched it being engulfed in darkness.

 

Where was he?

 

He did not know.

 

Why was he here?

 

He had no idea of that either.

 

What happened?

 

Sadly, he could not answer that question too.

 

Kyuhyun hated the feeling. He felt helpless, vulnerable as he had no knowledge of whatsoever. All he remembered was him standing on the roof looking at the horizon before jumping off, allowing the wind to carry him, feeling that sense of freedom that he had yearned for as his hyungs’ voices rang in his ear before sinking into a deep black sea.

 

Oh, that’s right. He had tried to commit suicide but was almost stopped by his hyungs. His hyungs.... Kyuhyun couldn’t help but wonder how they were faring now. Despite his usual bullying of his hyungs, he actually really love them, even when he’s dead.

 

Was he dead? _Have I died and gone to heaven_ , he wondered to himself. If so, then this certainly wasn’t the heaven the way he had depicted it. He thought that it would be beautiful, full of music and joy, with angels lining up to welcome the almighty maknae of Super Junior. Or maybe, he had committed a sin by dying through suicide and ended up in hell. _Siwon would be so disappointed in me if he finds out that I’m in hell instead of heaven,_ Kyuhyun thought to himself. _Maybe I really should have gone to church and became a Christian_. But if this was hell, then it really was much better than the one he had expected. From what he heard from Siwon’s rantings preachings, he had assumed that hell would be bloody and harsh, full of demons and all. But this.... this place.. was simply nothing. Just a blank black ocean.

 

Black ocean eh... The fans might become a black ocean during his funeral. Kyuhyun wondered how the fans would react when they found out that he had died. Would they laugh or cry? He knows that the precious E.L.Fs would cry their hearts out while the antis... He wasn’t so sure how the antis would react, not like that he cared. They might laugh and jeer and say ‘Finally, oh god. He deserves to die.’ or something along those lines. He just hopes that the antis would not insult Super Junior themselves and put more pressure on his hyungs. Well, that was given the fact that he had actually succeeded in suicide and died, not lying around in some weird white hospital bed that was probably no where near as comfortable as the bed back in the dorms. It probably wouldn’t even match up to lying on the dining table and that was saying a lot.

 

Kyuhyun thought of DBSK as the black ocean reminded him for some weird reason, the constellation, Cassiopeia, which was also DBSK’s fandom name. The maknae of Super Junior could not help but worry for the two remaining members of DBSK. It’s not like he did not care for JYJ, but almost a year of no contact with them left them with no knowledge of the three members whatsoever. Yunho would probably be taking a lot on his shoulders, and the news of Kyuhyun’s attempted or not so attempted suicide would add on to his burden. And Changmin.... How was the maknae of DBSK doing? How was his best friend doing? Changmin himself had also been heavily affected by JYJ’s lawsuit, so he wasn’t so sure that Changmin would be able to handle the further emotional stress if he was told that his best friend had attempted suicide. Kyuhyun hoped that he wouldn’t be right. It would be devastating to see the usually snarky maknae to be so depressed.

 

And his own hyungs.... Kyuhyun closed his eyes and leaned back against nothing as he thought of them. They must be in despair. Leeteuk would be all self-blaming, being the loving leader and umma of the group and all, with Kangin trying his best to console him. Heechul would be helping Kangin if he weren’t too busy ranting his anger out on the wall and doors and perhaps on the antis too. Hankyung would be giving his all to calm his best friend down. Kyuhyun chuckled at the thought of Heechul being pissed. Nobody would want to deal with an angry Heechul. His wrath was just too... Even Kyuhyun couldn’t find the word to describe it. If anyone made the diva angry, well, they could only pray that they get out of his wrath in one piece. Ryeowook would dry his tears and go around the kitchen, cooking food for the members and making sure that everyone came out of their depression and ate enough before allowing them to go back into their own world. Yesung would just be staring at the wall, or maybe at his turtles, engrossed with his own thoughts, only coming out when he was called. Shindong would be stuffing himself with food, eating more than usual, as an attempt to distract himself from the pain. Eunhyuk and Donghae, being dubbed as the cry babies of the groups would be cuddling together and crying their hearts out each day, stopping only when Heechul gets sick of hearing their cries through the thin walls of the dorm and scream at them to stop being so pathetic, only for the entire cycle to start again the next day. Kibum might be the only one with sanity still intact, along with Hankyung, though Kyuhyun wasn’t sure of how long that would last. He would be the one to make sure that the members attend their schedules, have enough sleep and eat a full three meals per day, occasionally with Hankyung helping him out after successfully calming down a certain diva. Siwon would lock himself in the room and pray for the maknae, day and night while Zhou Mi would call every day, making sure that the members haven’t died due to starvation, sleep deprivation or of other means. Henry wouldn’t know anything about it since he’s having exams and none of the hyungs wanted to bother him. At least that was what Kyuhyun hoped Well, if they did tell him, he would make sure that they got skinned alive when he saw them next time, alive or dead.

 

Kyuhyun sighed and shook his head. He felt bad. Really. He never did want his hyungs to suffer. None a single one of them. If he had known that they would be in so much pain, he wouldn’t have even attempted suicide. He would have thought it through more carefully. Had he been too selfish, wanting to escape his own pain without seeing the consequences? But what’s done was done. Time couldn’t be reversed no matter how much he wished for it to be. All he could do was to hope that his hyungs would move on.

 

Kyuhyun breathed out heavily and got up, brushing off imaginary dirt from his pants before running a tired hand through his dark brown hair, smoothing out the curls. As he bought his hands back to his side, he froze. Something was wrong. Very wrong. He stared at his hand, before allowing his eyes to drift to his wrist.

 

No way.

 

They were gone. They weren’t there. None of them at all. He checked carefully, bringing them close to his eyes. But really, they weren’t there. Not a single trace of them was left. Scars. The scars that he had obtained when he cut himself as a desperate way to escape from reality. His wrists were back to being flawless as they originally were. He sighed again, reaching up to massage his temples in an attempt to ward off his coming headache.

 

What does this mean? The scars disappearing. Were they a sign of something upcoming? He had absolutely no idea.

 

A ray of light caught his attention at the far end of darkness. It sparkled before dying out, then returning again. Without hesitation, he walked towards it. That what characters in stories and video games did right? Especially in video games, every time the protagonist gets trapped in some darkness and a light appears, the protagonist always walked towards it. And his situation, the way Kyuhyun saw it, was no different from the aforementioned one. It seemed like playing video games had paid off, he smirked as he thought to himself.

 

As he neared the light, it grew and he raised his hand to shield his eyes that had gotten accustomed to the darkness from the sudden brightness. The glare faded and he heard birds chirping softly. He opened his eyes and gasped.

 

The place was beautiful. A lakewas in front of him, water folding under each ripple. There was no way something like that could exist on earth. No wait. There could be. He remembered Changmin telling him something about a place like that in Saipan, where DBSK had gathered to film a variety show together, as five. That time, Changmin’s voice was full of happiness and joy, but the last time he heard him, it sounded dead, deprived of life.

 

Kyuhyun shook his head to get rid of the depressing thoughts from his mind and gazed into the lake. The water sparkled, catching light from the moon as the soft gushing sound of the water fall rushed into his ears. He was captivated.

 

Beautiful. There was no other words to describe it.

 

Ploop.

 

A fish breaks the surface and ripples widened out, one after another. From the corner of his eyes, he noticed a shape moving in the water. He looked back and realized that there were loads of fish swimming in the lake, ranging from blue to rainbow colored, their scales reflecting the moonlight. There was another pop sound and concentric circles formed on the lake as a carp swims away startled.

 

Kyuhyun couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scene. The lake started to glow. Softly at first, only emitting a faint blush before growing into pearly white. Kyuhyun looked away on instinct and after the light died a bit, he looked back into the lake and gasped....

 

* * *

 

Chapter 8 - Wake Up Please

 

It has been already two weeks since Kyuhyun’s daring attempt to commit suicide and he was showing no signs of waking up. The members were getting more and more anxious to the point where they would call whoever was at the hospital every hour, or even minutes if their schedules permit, to check on Kyuhyun’s condition. They made sure every single day that there would always be someone by Kyuhyun’s side, to keep him in accompany and just in case when he woke up, he would not feel too freaked out that he was in a hospital.

 

“Kyuhyun!!!!!”

 

Donghae pushed open the door and bounced into the room, and flung himself onto the chair that was beside the maknae’s bed.

 

“You wouldn’t believe what happened today! Hyukkie called Hankyung away from his stove to help him with his chinese and the Beijing fried rice that Hannie hyung was cooking got burned! I was so hungry you know! We weren’t able to have breakfast at all! My stomach kept on grumbling and Teukie hyung had to go down to buy food for all of us! Haha. And Chullie hyung was so pissed that he didn’t get to eat Hannie’s Beijing fried rice that he chased Hyukkie around the house for almost half an hour!”

 

The boy kept rambling and rambling on about their day to the maknae that was lying palely on the bed. Even though he knew that he would receive no response, he just wanted to talk to Kyuhyun, a subconscious reassurance that Kyuhyun was still alive as he watched the maknae’s chest rise up and down slowly.

 

“Donghae! Why did you run off with out me?”

 

A certain monkey walks him with a cute pout on his face, with the rest of the members trailing after him into the room dragging their feet with them.

 

“You guys were too slow! I can’t wait to see Kyu-ah!”

 

The fish squealed as he pounced on to his best friend, engulfing him in a hug. Leeteuk looked at his two younger brothers and sighed, wondering where they got their energy from. Super Junior had returned from a whole day of schedules that included lots of interviews which were prodding them on Kyuhyun’s condition. They were supposed to be filming a music video, but none of the members wanted to proceed with their new album without Kyuhyun. It didn’t feel complete just   with the 12 of them.

 

Heechul pushed them out of the way and sat himself on a chair next to Kyuhyun’s bed. 

 

“I’m hungry~” He whined, looking at Hankyung before remembering that they were at the hospital and there was no way for Hankyung to produce his magical Beijing Fried Rice unless of course, they stormed the hospital’s kitchen, which the diva was more than willing to do so if that was what he have to do to get his dinner.

 

“Why don’t Sungmin hyung and I go down and buy some food for you?” Kibum volunteered as his own stomach grumbled in hunger.

 

“Macdonalds!”

  
“KFC!”  
  
“Sushi!”

 

“Hankyung’s Beijing Fried Rice!”

 

Came the torrent of energetic responses coming from the members. The truth was, they had just blurted out any thing that was first on their mind.

 

“Hotpot!”

 

“Kimchi Stew!”

 

The members froze as the last two answers were heard. An uneasy silence was heard before Hankyung ran over to the door and threw it open. Seeing no one was standing outside, they gave a sigh of relief.

 

“Sorry...”

 

Eunhyuk and Donghae looked down apologetically. They didn’t mean to say that, knowing how much pain it brought upon their members.

 

“It’s ok. You’re lucky that Yunho and Changmin didn’t hear that.”

 

Hankyung reassured them as he came over and gave both of them a hug.

 

“Hear what?”

 

Speak of the devil. The deep baritone voice floated through as the two said males stood at the open doorway, the shadows of the corridor engulfing them slightly, preventing the members from seeing their faces.

 

“Oh.... Oh. Nothing really.”

 

“We’re just discussing what present we should give to Yunho hyung for his birthday!”

 

Sungmin gushed out immediately afraid that the duo might have heard their previous sentence.

 

“My birthday? That’s very sweet of you, but it’s fine. It’s been a year since my birthday have been celebrated. I doubt that anyone actually remembers it.” Yunho replied with a bitter tone underlying it. 

 

Crap. They had forgotten that the last time Yunho’s birthday was properly celebrated was before the lawsuit when DBSK and Super Junior had thrown a surprise party for him. After that, he had never been the same again, never smiling again, never laughing again.

 

The tense atmosphere was broken by the grumbling of Changmin’s stomach.

 

“Shall we go and grab some food?” Leeteuk asked, somewhat grateful for the disturbance of the silence, no matter how weird it was.

 

They saw Changmin’s head nod, before he turned and walked out of the door without a word. Yunho followed along closely. Due to the shadows, they weren’t able to see the duo’s faces properly, only able to pray that they haven’t done anything to further enhance the pain that they were facing.

 

“I’ll stay. I’m not hungry either way.” Heechul interrupted as the members was about to volunteer themselves to stay behind with Kyuhyun.

 

Hankyung raised an eyebrow at Heechul, knowing that the diva was the one who was complaining about hunger but nodded wordlessly. Heechul just wanted to stay with Kyuhyun. Due to the filming of his dramas and being the hosts of many radio shows, Heechul was the member who could find the least time to be with Kyuhyun and he felt guilty for it. After all, it was due to their lack of attention towards their other members and their maknae that had landed them in this situation . All because of their selfishness.

 

The diva waved to his members as they proceeded to file out of the ward, albeit reluctantly. The minute all of them were out, he closed the door and gave a sigh. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his members, just that he wanted to spend sometime alone with Kyuhyun.

 

He dragged his chair closer to the maknae’s bed and sat on it, all the while eyes never leaving Kyuhyun. He ran a gentle hand down the maknae’s cheeks, tracing that familiar jawline of it. He held the lifeless pale hand and brought it to his lips, placing gentle kisses on it.

 

“I’m so sorry, Kyu. I know I haven’t been a good hyung. I’ve ignored you and just focused on myself. Hyung is so selfish. I haven’t even cared about what you guys are thinking of. I haven’t even cared bout how Super Junior is doing. I haven’t even cared about my members at all. All I have been doing is bringing trouble. Maybe like Kangin said, I really am a burden. Maybe I should leave the group. I don’t want bring the group down. I’m so sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused. Kyuhyun... Please just wake up so that I can say goodbye. Just one last time. Please Kyuhyun.”

 

Heechul confessed as tears flooded his eyes. The usually cold diva finally let his true emotions show. He usually acts like he doesn’t care, but he has to do that else if he breaks down, the group would lose all sense of moral calmness. He truly loved Super Junior and wouldn’t leave them for the world. But the words that Kangin had said kept ringing in his head.

 

_“Well TOO BAD. Coz that’s what you’re doing. Can’t you do anything other then cause trouble for us? YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A BURDEN AND TROUBLE!”_

 

He knew that Kangin had merely muttered the words out of anger but they were too harsh, strictly piercing into that seemingly ice cold heart of his. It was his secret fear. He was bothered by the words day and night, those words repeating themselves in his head, in his sleep, in his dreams. Telling him that he was useless, he was a burden, he could do nothing, all he could do is drag Super Junior down.

 

Heechul sighed and got up from his seat, turning around to walk towards the door, wanting to go to toilet to wash his tear stricken face. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this. The only person who he allowed was Hankyung and Kyuhyun. But now, not anyone can see him like this. Not even Hankyung.

  
He dragged his feet to the door, running a frustrated hand through his hair. When his hand rested on the door knob, he felt something. Call it a gut feeling or instinct, but the drive for him to turn around struck him hard and he did just so.

 

The sight that greeted him was unspoken for.

 

A pair of soft sleepy dark brown eyes were staring at him, with tears lining it.

 

“K-K-Kyuhyun...”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 9 - Finally You Idiot

 

Heechul froze in his steps as he stared at the figure in front of him. No, it could not be. There was no way it could possible. Could it? Finally? Has God finally granted his wish, even though he wasn’t a Christian? All sort of thoughts ran through his head, except the last one which was dismissed immediately. After all, he was an atheist.

 

“H-h-hy-ung...”

 

Kyuhyun’s croaked voice snapped Heechul out of his trance. He blinked and felt his eyes welled up in tears that threatened to overflow. In a flash, he was beside Kyuhyun.

 

“Hush. Kyu. Don’t talk. Everything will be alright.”

 

Kyuhyun looked up and stared into the diva’s eyes, as if searching for the answer there. Heechul paused and pondered on whether he should go and find the nurse first or call the members. His dilemma was solved immediately when a certain monkey decided to bounce into the room, not unlike how his fishy friend did just a few minutes ago.

 

“Heechul hyung! We-”

 

Whatever Eunhyuk had wanted to say was cut off when his throat closed on him as he found himself staring at not one, but two pairs of eyes. Kyuhyun and Heechul watched as a flurry of emotions passes through Eunhyuk’s face. His mouth dropped open and closed like a fish and for a brief moment, Kyuhyun wondered how it would look like on Donghae himself. Without a word, the dancer turned and raced out of the room. The footsteps of him running down the hallway to goodness knows where, probably to the rest of the members, were somehow magnified and echoed in Heechul’s ears.The remaining two males in the room eyed each other warily, unsure of what was going to happen next but when a shout that rang across the hospital, Heechul grinned at Kyuhyun.

 

“H-Hyung! Get your ass over here! He’s awake.”

 

They could hear Eunhyuk running back to the room, most probably being followed by the rest of the members or being chased by the scary nurses for causing a commotion in the hospital.

 

The next scene was greeted by a flurry of colors that rushed through the door and Kyuhyun found himself an armful of a sobbing Eunhyuk that was crushing him tightly to the bones while mumbling nonsensical sentences  and he found himself hurting all over again.

 

“H-hurts.”

 

He managed to gasp out.

 

“Yah! Don’t be so rough on your maknae.”

 

Kyuhyun could only blink in surprise as the sudden weight left him and found himself staring at Leeteuk’s concerned face, faintly aware of Kangin berating Eunhyuk for hugging the maknae so tightly in the background.

 

Leeteuk let out a high pitched squeal of surprise before throwing himself at Kyuhyun, not unlike Eunhyuk, only this time, taking care not to touch the younger’s wounds. Kyuhyun could only watch in surprise and silence as he was swarmed with hugs and lots and lots of questions piling over one another, namely “Are you ok?” and “Does it hurt?”, occasionally with the whine “I’m hungry!”

 

The noise only lapsed into momentary silence when the door was suddenly thrown open and a loud “Hyung!” and “Kui Xian!” was heard. Everyone turned in time to find Henry and Zhou Mi standing in the door way. A moment of silence was observed before it was broken by the sound of running feet and squeals and curses in both English and Chinese.

 

He watched on in shock, unable to do anything as Henry and Zhou Mi ran over to him, abandoning their luggage at the door way and shoving whoever was on Kyuhyun away before throwing themselves onto him. He listened to Henry’s ramble of English words that came out of his mouth, understanding nothing at all only the concerned tone and Zhou Mi’s fast tirade of Chinese swear words along with “You idiot.” and “I’m so glad.” Somewhere in his head, he wondered whether Hankyung would wash Zhou Mi’s mouth with soap for swearing in public but with one glance at Hankyung’s amused face, he decided not.

 

“Yah! Seasoning! Mochi!”

 

The familiar screech of the diva could be heard as he dragged the two said boys away from Kyuhyun, giving him time and space to breath and briefly register what had just happened. Heechul ordered them to explain why they were here since they were supposed to be in China, temporarily taking charge seeing that Leeteuk was a sobbing mess in Kangin’s arms who was desperately trying to calm the group umma down but to no avail.

 

“Us? Henry finished his exams already. Didn’t you know?” Zhou Mi answered the question,  raising an eyebrow.

 

“Hmm? Maybe it was too trivial for me to remember it.” Heechul shot back.

 

“Oh really. Or was it because you were too busy shopping for weird outfits to even bother?” 

 

“You so did NOT just insult my fashion sense.”

 

As the two divas continued to stare each other down, Kyuhyun left out a slight smile. It was back to normal. Briefly he wondered how long he had been out and what had happened during that period of time. The slight tension in the room was broken when Henry was again draped himself over Kyuhyun while shaking him lightly.

 

“You idiot. You were out of two entire weeks. Do you how worried I was? I swear if I failed my any of my exams, I will blame it on you.”

 

Kyuhyun let out a tired smile with an amused glint in his eyes.

 

The door opened and a doctor entered in with the orders for everyone to exit the room.

 

“What? No!”

 

“Hell no.”

 

“You can kiss that order goodbye.”

 

“But he just woke up!”

 

“If we go, will you buy us food?” *puppy eyes*

 

Needless to say, that order was met with lots of protests that were drowning out Leeteuk’s voice for them to quiet down.

 

“Everyone out now.”

 

The deep baritone voice cut through the chaos and silenced everything at once. Kyuhyun looked up at the figure, unable to make out his face for the back of the speaker was facing him. But that voice, without a doubt, belonged to the charismatic leader of TVXQ. Yunho. The once charismatic leader. It was only then he realized that Changmin was also standing beside the leader, but the floor seemed more interesting that the surroundings.

 

“Now.”

 

An authoritative tone took over his voice, as if challenging anyone who dared to go against him. Quietly, all Super Junior members left the room and sat outside obediently, as if like a child waiting for his parents order.

 

“Leeteuk stay. The doctor might want to talk to you.”

 

Leeteuk nodded before claiming his position beside Kyuhyun’s bed and clasped his hand over the younger’s pale one. 

 

Changmin nodded a late greeting at Kyuhyun before draping an arm over Yunho and both of them left, closing the door gently behind them.

 

The members looked up as the duo exited the room. Changmin smiled tiredly at them, all the more making his eyebags even more prominent as Yunho moved down the hallway further to make a call. He came back within a few minutes, closing his phone and reaching out to drag Changmin out.

 

“I’ve requested a two weeks’ break for you guys. Changmin and I will cover your interviews and shows, so don’t worry about it. Go party or something.”

 

The members widened their eyes at the sudden statement before leaping out of their seats and hugging the DBSK’s leader tightly. Yunho blinked rapidly and found himself showered with ‘Thank you’s’ and ‘OMG. I LOVE YOU!’, feeling slightly bewildered wondering if this was how Kyuhyun had felt like minutes ago.

 

He shook his head at them and smiled before dragging Changmin out of the hallway. But like always, it’s always the maknae who has the last say. Changmin turned around and shouted loudly, oblivious to the stares and glares that they were getting from other patients and nurses.

 

“But if you guys end up drunk in some weird position aka an orgy, we are NOT going to take responsibility for that!”

 

The members laughed out loud at that, feeling grateful for everything Yunho and Changmin had done for them, wishing that they could do something for them too. They shook that depressing thought out of their heads, filing it away for future references, determined not to let anything dampen the happy mood

 

“You know, we should totally hold a party.”

 

“Of course? Where? The hospital?”

 

“I don’t think the nurses and doctors would like the mess that we would make.”

 

“Well, neither would our manager if we held it at our dorm.”

 

“Why not at Yunho and Changmin’s place? They’ll end up taking the responsibility.”

 

“Why not? They are too gloomy nowadays!”

 

And so it was decided. The party would be held at TVXQ’s dorm. The members then proceeded on to discuss what they should bring. Someone suggested buying a cake and smashing it into Kyuhyun’s face but that idea was shot down when the image of an angered Leeteuk umma appeared in front of them. Heechul decided to do it on Leeteuk instead and he couldn’t do anything to them since Yunho and Changmin were there and they served as a shield for them.

 

The door opened and everyone jumped up in anticipation.

 

“So so so so?”

 

“How is he?”

 

“Can we bring him home?”

 

“I really want to just pack him up in a luggage and drive him home or something.”

 

“Can we eat now? I’m really hungry!”

 

The doctor backed away, surprised by the sudden flood of questions. He waited for the members to quieten down before informing that they need to keep Kyuhyun in the hospital for further observation but at most it would be for a week or so. And yes, they were free to visit him now. With a whoop, the members ran into the room, missing out the doctor’s last comment on them not being too noisy so as not to disturb the other patients. He could only smile seeing how happy the members were on seeing that one of their youngest brothers was finally awake.

 

 

Somewhere down the darkened corners of the hallway, a figure smiled to himself as he listened to the commotion before turning and walking away, not once leaving any trace of him having been there.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 10 - We Wish…

 

Children’s laughter drifted around the rest area of the hospital, most likely from visitors for the patients here. It was an odd sight, thirteen young males sitting among the midst of children in a corner, yet no interaction occurred between the two generations. The younger generation blissfully playing in their own world, paying totally no attention to the elder generation. Well, they weren’t complaining either way.

 

Yunho glanced up in surprise from the chair he was currently sitting on when he heard footsteps running down from the hall way. The door to the rest area burst open and all activities ceased as everyone looked up to glance at the newcomer. He was panting heavily, chest heaving.

 

For a moment, Yunho froze, he thought something bad had happened to Kyuhyun. But looking into Eunhyuk’s eyes, a tiny spark of excitement, that was invisible to the normal people was spotted by him.

 

Yunho was by no means a normal person. Having been through so much, having lived with 4 crazy people, all of whom haven taken to keeping their problems to themselves had caused the leader of four to develop an ability of sensing others’ emotions easily. Since he had to guess when the others were having problems.

 

The once leader of four.

 

“H-hyung. He’s awake.”

 

A chair scrapped across the ground,  causing the male to gently wince at the scratchy noise. He looked up to see the leader of Super Junior standing up on the ground, eyes wide. He watched as the adam’s apple of Eunhyuk bobbed up and down as he gulped to regain his breath, Donghae already making his way over to his best friend to calm him down.

 

“H-Hyung! Get your ass over here! He’s awake.”

 

With that, Eunhyuk turned and ran back to the room, simply ignoring the shouts of nurses for him not to run in the hospital, which only intensified as the rest of the band filed out of the rest area, following Eunhyuk, leaving the two TVXQ members in the rest area.

 

Yunho closed his eyes and rested his head against the window which was just next to him. He flinched slightly out of surprise when he felt a presence next to him, he opened his eyes a bit to see Changmin leaning against him.

 

“Aren’t you glad?”

 

He nudged his maknae.

 

Changmin smiled and nodded.

 

“Of course. Why shouldn’t I be? He finally woke up after so long.”

 

“Do you want to go visit him?”

 

He shook his head.

 

“Nah. I want to let them have some time together. Beside it would be easier for them to deal with their problems if they don’t have outsiders there.”

 

Yes _outsiders_. That was how they currently felt. Even though they knew Super Junior considered them family, but it still felt out of place for them to be there. They didn't know why though. It’s just this feeling of a thin invisible line between them and Super Junior. It was like this for all the groups, no matter how close they were.

 

He glanced outside the window, seeing from the corner of his eyes a slight shadow casted by a figure shifting just outside the hospital. The figure turned slightly, shadows casted over his face. Yunho squinted to catch a better glimpse of the figure as the sun was in his eyes. They were on the second floor, hence it was hard for him to see. He jerked up immediately when the figure turned slightly, his or her face which could barely be seen became a bit clearer. Changmin yelled in protest as he fell off Yunho’s shoulder.

 

“What was that for!?”

 

Yunho glanced at the younger before looking out immediately, trying to spot the figure once more but it had disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

 

“No. I just... I thought.. I...”

 

He stuttered as he tried to process what he had seen.

 

“You what?”

 

Changmin asked curiously, unable to make any sense of what his hyung was trying to say.

 

“I... Oh never mind.”

 

Yunho dismissed it with a quick wave of his hand. It wasn’t like Changmin would understand it. _Maybe I should go get my eyesight checked_ , he thought to himself. After all, there was no way that it could be _him._

 

“Come on.” Yunho stood up and extended his hand to Changmin. “Let’s go check on Kyuhyun.”

 

The younger sighed and accepted the hand, before allowing himself to get dragged out of the rest area.

 

The duo shuffled their feet towards the door, pausing momentarily when they saw two figures standing outside, not entering. From the cluster of luggage around them, it was very likely that they had just returned from the airport --- or going to.

 

Both blinked in surprise as the other two figures suddenly shouted out ‘Hyung!’ and ‘Kui Xian’ and disappeared from their line vision, having disappeared into the room. They shifted slightly so that they were allowed to get a better look at the situation in the room.

 

Changmin felt his lips lifting at a gentle smile as he saw the members Henry sprawled all over Kyuhyun, whether trying to suffocate him or attempting to hug him, he wasn’t sure. He could only sighed as Zhou Mi joined in, this time, successfully suffocating Kyuhyun.

 

A screech from Heechul startled him, almost causing him to jump in surprise. The two divas were fighting again. He looked at Yunho, silently asking him if there was a need for them to break up but he was reassured with a shake of the head.

 

Looking at the scene, he remembered back when Junsu and him were at each other’s throats every day, every where, at the dorm, at the studio, in the bedroom where all of them were sleeping. Of course the arguments were done out of love. Not many might know it but arguing and giving  snarky comments was Changmin’s way of showing his love for his hyungs.

 

Changmin lowered his eyes to the ground, not wanting to see anymore, as his memories overwhelmed him. It had gotten to a point that their arguments had gotten to a point that they had become a part of their daily lives. It didn’t feel right without Junsu arguing with him everyday. He would give anything to hear the dolphin’s squeaky voice, even if it was only for a few seconds.

 

Yunho sneaked a glance at the silent maknae, noting to himself that he was lost in his own spiral of thoughts. The door opened and he looked at the new comer, silently nodding his head in greeting at the doctor whom he recognized as the one who had been attending Kyuhyun all this while and received a greeting in response.

 

He watched in slight amusement as the doctor asked, more like ordered, them to get out of the room so that they could do a check on Kyuhyun only to meet with a tirade of protest from the members, being overwhelmed by the shouts and yells. For a minute, he decided to leave them alone. It seemed fine the way it was.

 

He thought back to the times when he was hospitalized due to glue poisoning. Why did some one hate him that much to the extent of wanting to kill him he could never understand. He’s a human isn’t he? Like all humans, he deserved the right to live. During that period of time, TVXQ was lost without their leader being there to guide them. They were at the hospital visiting him at every chance they could get, none of them wanting to move from his side. Jaejoong had even fought with the manager when he wanted to pull Yunho back into his schedule despite him not having recovered fully.

 

He turned his back to the bed and faced the door, not wanting to let his tearing eyes destroy the happy atmosphere. It was then he had felt his members’ love for him. Their brotherhood was so strong that nothing could break them apart. But what happened? Where did things start to go wrong? Why did he not notice that his three brothers were slowly breaking?

 

Yunho was jerked back from his thoughts when the doctor bumped into his back, in an attempt to get away from the distraught members. Taking a quick glance at the poor doctor’s panic stricken face, he decided to help out.

 

“Everyone out now.”

 

The deep baritone voice cut through the chaos and silenced everything at once. He could feel Kyuhyun’s stare piercing at his back before shifting his gaze to Changmin, who still had his eyes on the ground. He ordered once more, seeing as no one was moving, this time lacing his voice with more authority, something that he hasn’t done ever since… Why would he? There was no one for him to command.

 

“Now.”

 

An authoritative tone took over his voice, as if challenging anyone who dared to go against him. Quietly, all Super Junior members left the room and sat outside obediently, as if like a child waiting for his parents’ order.

 

“Leeteuk stay. The doctor might want to talk to you.”

 

He nudged Changmin who looked up quickly in surprise before taking in a quick glance, getting the gist of the situation and nodded a late greeting at awake Kyuhyun before draping an arm over Yunho and both of them left, closing the door gently behind them.

 

 

The duo left the room to the scene of the Super Junior members’ stare. Yunho left Changmin with them, as he moved down the hallway to make a call. Seeing the questioning and worried looks in their eyes, the maknae of TVXQ offered them a tired, yet reassuring smile.

 

Yunho flipped open his phone once he had gotten out of earshot from the Super Junior members and dialled a number. It rang for a while as he waited for the other side to pick up.

 

‘Hi?’

 

“Hello. This is TVXQ’s Yunho speaking.”

 

‘Oh, Yunho-ssi. What can I do for you?’

 

“I would like you to postpone Super Junior members’ schedules for two weeks. All of them.”

 

‘But that’s impossible. I’m sorry.’

 

“Can you please try? They really need the break.” _So do we,_ he thought to himself but didn’t mention it.

 

‘Hmm... What about their interviews and shows?’

 

“Changmin and I will cover it for them. I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to have us.”

 

‘Alright. Then it’s arranged.’

 

“Thank you very much.”

 

With that, Yunho flipped his phone shut. He had just requested for a two weeks break for the members for them to get themselves together, solve their problems and become a happy family once more. He thought ironically to himself, that TVXQ themselves needed the break, but they weren’t getting any.

 

He returned to where he had left the group.

 

“I’ve requested a two weeks’ break for you guys. Changmin and I will cover your interviews and shows, so don’t worry about it. Go party or something.”

 

The shock slowly registered itself into their faces and Yunho suddenly found himself being showered with ‘Thank you’s’ and ‘OMG. I LOVE YOU!’, feeling slightly bewildered wondering if this was how Kyuhyun had felt like minutes ago. He flinched slightly at first, surprised by the sudden contact, before allowing himself to relax. It had been so long since he had ever experienced a group hug.

 

After somehow managing to untangle himself from the mess of limbs, he shook his head at them and smiled before dragging Changmin out of the hallway. But like always, it’s always the maknae who has the last say. Changmin turned around and shouted loudly, oblivious to the stares and glares that they were getting from other patients and nurses.

 

“But if you guys end up drunk in some weird position aka an orgy, we are NOT going to take responsibility for that!”

 

A slight smile played on his lips when he heard as they got ready to leave the hospital. Once outside, Yunho ran a hair through his hair and sighed, breathing in the fresh air, unlike the stifling one of the hospital.

 

A slight tug at his sleeve caught his attention and he turned to see the maknae staring at a distance. Looking at that direction, he spotted a retreating figure. It was the exact same figure he had seen. Shrugging he shook it off as a regular hospital visitor.

 

“Neh hyung?”

 

Yunho tilted his head at Changmin’s sudden question.

 

“Ya?”

 

“Do you think we could ever be like them again?”

 

He didn’t have to inquire further to ask what Changmin was talking about. He knew perfectly. It was something that both of them wanted. He pinched the bridge of his nose before sighing once more.

 

“I don’t know Changmin. I really don’t know. But I hope so too.”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 11 - Party Planning

 

The thunder rumbled over as the wind blew outside, leaves flying here and there, being dragged by the wind. Clouds took on a gloomier shade as they overlapped each other, each fighting for the space in the sky. Anyone standing outside without wearing double layer of clothing would be shivering uncontrollably, as the harsh merciless wind played no favorites.

 

Yet, the dull weather outside played no part in an attempt in trying to dampen the mood of the inhabitants in one particular building.

 

“Yah!”

 

A high pitch scream resounded throughout the dorm. Hankyung immediately poked his head out of his room where he was just lazing around when he identified the all too familiar source.

 

“Chullie.” The Chinese man asked worriedly. “What’s wrong?”

 

He walked out into the living room just to see the diva, arms akimbo, sitting in front of the dining table cross legged. Heechul looked up to see his best friend who was currently spotting a concerned face.

 

“Get everyone who’s free here now.” He ordered.

 

“Everyone?” Hankyung wasn’t sure if he had heard correctly. Of all people, he would least expect Heechul to demand a meeting with everyone.

 

“Yes.” The other demanded firmly, nodding his head to prove his point.

 

Hankyung sighed once before walking out of the living room to call the other members who were residing in the dorm just below them. What Heechul wanted, Heechul got. If he didn’t, he’ll end up throwing a sissy fit which no one would be willing to deal with. No one was able to match up with Heechul’s temper when he’s pissed. Well... Maybe Jaejoong could. But Jaejoong was too kind hearted most of the time, Hankyung thought bitterly. It had been that kind heartedness which ended up almost destroying him, leaving him with no choice but to leave the company.

 

He punched in the numbers into the cellphone before holding it to his ear, temporarily ridding his thoughts of Jaejoong, as he waited for the other end to pick up the phone.

 

“Hi?”

 

“Oh Kibum ah. Are you free? Siwon is there right? Heechul wants everyone to meet up here now.”

 

“Siwon hyung? Yup. He’s here. Heechul hyung? Is something wrong?” Hankyung could hear the worry and disbelief in the younger’s voice.

 

“Not sure.” The Chinese man answered, shrugging his shoulders despite knowing that the other end won’t be able to see it.

 

“We’ll be right there.” Before the phone call ended, Hankyung could hear him hollering for the others to get ready quickly.

 

He turned around, ready to return to the living room only to face Leeteuk who had just returned from hosting a show, hair dripping wet and the elder shivered slightly due to the cold wind that blew through an open window. Without a moment of hesitation, Hankyung immediately threw a towel that he grabbed from the nearby bathroom before closing the window and quickly ushering the leader to his room to change.

 

“Quickly. Heechul wants to see everyone.” Hankyung informed the elder.

 

“Chullie? Is everything alright? What does he want?” Concern could be heard clearly in Leeteuk’s voice.

 

Once again, Hankyung shrugged, signalizing that he had no clue what was currently going on in the head of that best friend of his. Leeteuk raised an eyebrow. That was weird. Usually Heechul would just tell Hankyung about his problems.

 

Leeteuk shrugged to himself before quickly changing out of his wet clothes and accepting the cup of hot chocolate that Hankyung had magically made for him. He didn’t want to catch a cold. Not during this period of time. He had to be strong for his members. Even though he knew that the TVXQ leader was there for him, he didn’t want to impose too much on Yunho for the younger still had his own problems.

 

Silently following Hankyung out of the bed room, he noticed that everyone had gathered in the living room by then, with Heechul sitting on the sofa while everyone else sat around him. Most of them were staying in the dorm to rest, thanks to the generous offer of TVXQ taking over their schedules so that they had a two weeks break.

 

Seeing everyone was here, Heechul cleared his throat.

 

“Ok. Coz I ain’t a fan of big speeches, Imma going to jump straight to the point. You all know that Kyuhyun have finally woke up from his coma right?”

 

Him being the drama queen he was, paused for the effect as everyone nodded affirmative.

 

“Wonderful. So I was thinking. How about we get around to planning that party of him?”

 

Silence as everyone digested the words that Heechul had just said.

 

“Oh My God!!! Party!!!”

 

The sudden scream of Donghae shocked everyone as he grabbed Eunhyuk and jumped around. Siwon laughed at the sight while Ryeowook tackled Kibum and Yesung to the ground in glee. Sungmin covered his mouth while giggling when Eunhyuk and Donghae accidentally stepped on Kangin and were currently running around the dorm trying to escape the angry appa, with Shindong trying to calm him down. Zhou Mi and Henry were staring at Hankyung for translation due to their limited Korean before bursting out into smiles Leeteuk chuckled at the scene. Finally everyone was happy once more. All they needed to do was for Kyuhyun to join them once more and they will be happy. He looked at Heechul, wanting to thank him for the idea only to smile to himself when the diva smirked at him.

 

“Ok. So let’s start planning!!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“HYUNG! Don’t burn the cake!!”

 

Hankyung and Ryeowook yelled at the same time when Leeteuk had volunteered to bake the cake. Ryeowook grabbed the leader and handed him over to Kangin, before shutting the kitchen door on rest of the members, isolating Hankyung and himself away from the rest of the world as they indulged in his cooking. The members left them to their own device. After all, no one else in the dorm could cook as well as them.

 

The dorm was in chaos. They wanted to plan a surprise party for Kyuhyun right here at the dorm, but since they weren’t so sure of when he was going to be released, they had no choice but to bring it to the hospital. The party was supposed to be held at TVXQ’s dorm as discussed, but because neither of them would be home, that wasn’t possible.

 

“Hyung! Which is nicer? Yellow with purple or green with orange?” Yesung yelled from the living room. He was creating a sketchbook, along with Shindong, Eunhyuk and Donghae. They wanted to bring something for Kyuhyun, that would remind him of them so that he wouldn’t feel so lonely in the hospital when the members were too busy to visit them.

 

“Neither!” Heechul yelled from where ever he was. He was busy taking pictures of all the members to add to the sketchbook. “Try gold with black~”

 

Kibum and Sungmin had disappeared into the studio at the back of the dorm to compose a song for Kyuhyun.

 

“Argh. I give up. I can’t compose a nice song!” Sungmin threw his pen at the wall that was in front and him. Kibum just slumped himself onto the table in frustration. Truth to be told, none of the Super Junior members were actually good composers themselves. In fact, not many of SM artistes were good. The only actual good composers were BoA, Jaejoong, Junsu, Yoochun and Changmin. Occasionally, when the time was right, Yunho would actually produce rather good lyrics. But majority of them were produced by JYJ.

 

JYJ... Sungmin didn’t know what to think of them. Neither did Kibum. Were they suppose to hate them for leaving and causing Yunho and Changmin so much pain? Or were they suppose to thank them for enlightening them on the truth of the contracts. They had no idea.

 

Beep.

 

Kibum looked up at the screen, only to find a new unread email. He tilted his head, not recognizing the email address that sent it ‘faith.promisebelieve@naver.com’. It was the first time had actually seen such an email address. The subject of the email stated: Song for Kyuhyun. Sungmin gasped when he leaned over Kibum’s shoulder to check out what he was doing. No one else besides their members knew that they were writing a song for Kyuhyun. And definitely NO ONE knew that they were not able to come up with a song. And both of them were sure that neither of the members were free to use a computer. So just who?

 

Out of curiosity, Sungmin guided Kibum’s hand, which was on the mouse and opened the file. There were lyrics to a song, along with the soundtrack. They listened to it, but were unaable to identify the singer. It seemed so familiar, yet so unfamiliar at the same time.

 

**Tooku tooku tsuduiteru kazeto sunano long way**

 

**Ikiru kotowa tabinoyouni tokini mayou kedo**

 

**Muneno koedakeni mimio katamuke**

 

**Hitomi tojite mieru michio shinjite yukou**

 

**I promise not to forget**

 

**Always I believe myself**

 

**Kotaenanka dokonimonai**

 

**Tada aruiteiku maeni ( long way long way long way )**

 

**Arukuyo maeni ( long way long way long way )**

 

**Arukuyo maeni ( long way long way long way )**

 

**Yagate michiwa ikutsumono**

 

**Deai tsurete kite**

 

**Itsukadokokade mouchido**

 

**Yumeni aerudarou**

 

**Shinjitsuwa darenimo wakaranakutemo**

 

**Jibunni usowa tsukanai dakara**

 

**Hokorio motte**

 

**I promise not to forget**

 

**Always I believe myself**

 

**Kono omoiga todokunonara**

 

**Ima aruite iku maeni ( long way long way long way )**

 

**Arukuyo maeni ( long way long way long way )**

 

**Arukuyo maeni ( long way long way long way )**

 

**Waraiaeru youni**

 

**Namidano youna nagaamega yande**

 

**Aino utao I sing for you**

 

**I promise not to forget always I believe myself**

 

**Kotaenanka dokonimonai**

 

**Tada aruiteiku maeni ( long way long way long way )**

 

**Arukuyo maeni ( long way long way long way )**

 

**Arukuyo maeni ( long way long way long way )( my long way )**

 

**Aruiteiku maeni**

 

**I’m walking forward yeah my long way long way…**

 

**Translation**

 

**Lasting for far ‘n far, long way of wind and sand**

 

**Life is a journey, sometimes we are a bit lost**

 

**Let’s just hear the voices of our hearts**

 

**Let’s believe and walk the road, which we can only see by closing our eyes**

 

**I promise not to forget**

 

**Always I believe myself**

 

**There is no answer**

 

**We’ve just got to walk forward（long way long way long way）**

 

**Walk forward（long way long way long way）**

 

**Walk forward（long way long way long way）**

 

**Some day in the future**

 

**The road will bring us many encounters**

 

**Somewhere, in some place**

 

**We can see our dreams once again**

 

**Even though nobody knows the truth**

 

**I will not tell a lie to myself, and,**

 

**With pride**

 

**I promise not to forget**

 

**Always I believe myself**

 

**If my feelings are to be conveyed**

 

**Now, we’ll walk forward (long way long way long way）**

 

**Walk forward（long way long way long way）**

 

**Walk forward（long way long way long way）**

 

**So that we can smile again**

 

**The long rain, just like tears, has cleared off**

 

**The love song, I sing for you**

 

**I promise not to forget**

 

**Always I believe myself**

 

**There is no answer**

 

**We’ve just got to walk forward（long way long way long way）**

 

**Walk forward（long way long way long way）**

 

**Walk forward（long way long way long way）（my long way）**

 

**I’ll walk straight forward**

 

**I’m walking forward yeah my long way long way…**

 

They looked at each other and nodded, deciding to use the song even though they didn’t know who the sender was.

 

“Shouldn’t we tell the hyungs?” Kibum asked.

 

“Nah.” Sungmin shrugged. “What they don’t know won’t kill them. Besides, I don’t think that the person is actually harmful.”

 

Kibum nodded, listening his hyung. He printed the lyrics out and dragged Yesung and Ryeowook in, with complaints from Eunhyuk. After singing and recording it, the younger saved the recording in a file and transferred it into a iPod, along with the other songs that they had downloaded for Kyuhyun to keep him company.

 

“Guys!! Are you ready?” Kangin’s voice echoed through the dorm.

 

“Almost!” Everyone answered back.

 

Kangin sighed as he leaned against the door, waiting for everyone to get ready. Ten minutes passed and his patience was running thin. Sure patience is a virtue but that rule doesn’t apply when you’re staying with 14 other crazy males.

 

“HURRY UP! ELSE WE WON’T LEAVE AT ALL!”

 

“Coming!” Within a few minutes, everyone filed out of the door and into the vans, leaving Kangin flabbergasted at the sudden change of momentum, mouth gaping before Leeteuk pulled him into the van so as to make sure that he didn't get left behind.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 12 - Shock Once More

 

Kyuhyun stared outside the window, propping his hand up on his chin. Thankfully, his hyungs had booked a private room for him. It wasn’t that Kyuhyun couldn’t stand the crowd, just that he didn’t want to be disturbed during his time of recuperation. Furthermore, he needed time to think, and he needed silence for that. Kyuhyun was more of an introvert than an extrovert you could say, he preferred to keep his thoughts to himself, and hardly anyone had actually broken through his wall, other than Leeteuk and Heechul. Well, he supposed that Leeteuk and Heechul achieved that through their incessant, or maybe not so incessant, nagging and questioning. Other than that, no one else could. Not from Super Junior anyway. He was actually surprised that the entire of TVXQ could actually see through his mask, especially a certain Kim Jaejoong. Kyuhyun shuddered as he remembered that particular pair of eyes, piercing and calculating, as if he was able to see Kyuhyun’s entire soul.

 

Away from that topic before Kyuhyun decided to go into an emotional mood over than, he wanted to think about the vision he had seen during his comatose, and that weird voice he heard. He swore he could have heard it somewhere, but he couldn’t, just couldn’t, put his finger on it.

 

~ Flash back start ~

 

The glare faded and he heard birds chirping softly. He opened his eyes and gasped, before straightening himself to prevent him from falling in.

 

“Hyung!” He turned around at the voice and stared in shock, there standing in front of him, was himself, but looking younger. He looked down at his hands, only to find that they were translucent. What was happening?

 

“Hmm?” He turned once more, just to see Sungmin waving at him from where he assumed to be a beach. He looked around more carefully before realizing that they WERE at the beach. Or rather his hyungs were. The Kyuhyun from the scene was standing where the van was. It felt weird calling his younger counterpart Kyuhyun was well, so Kyu it was.

 

“Come join us!” Siwon and Donghae joined Sungmin in an attempt to urge the maknae to join them.

 

 “NO!” Kyu shook his head at them. Kyuhyun could recall this memory. They had finally gotten a break off from their busy schedules and had decided to go to the beach. But Kyuhyun had just finished his exam and wanted to sleep in, but Eunhyuk had decided that this was a bonding time for Super Junior and proceeded to drag Kyuhyun along with them. His hyungs were very persistent, that’s for sure.

 

5... 4... 3... 2... 1... NOW!

 

“GAH! HYUNG!!”

 

Kyuhyun chuckled to himself as he watched the scene being played out in front of him. Apparently, Kangin had gotten tired of waiting for them and had decided to take matters into his own hands, literally. He had snuck up behind Kyu and surprised the younger by throwing him over his shoulder easily, thanks to the hours spent in the gym, before making his way back to where the others were waiting. The maknae struggled helplessly against his strong hyung, who had somehow managed to tune out the vulgarities and protests that was streaming from Kyu’s mouth. Kangin then proceeded to dunk the maknae into the sea where his hyungs were surrounding him, splashing water onto the sulking Kyu. But laughter, as they say, was infectious and soon Kyu found himself smiling and laughing along with his hyungs.

 

Kyuhyun felt a tug on his body and the light started glowing softly, as he watched the scene fade to be replace by another memory soon.

 

He shivered as somebody ran through him, before stepping to the side on pure instinct when he had felt someone’s footsteps coming closer behind him.

 

“LEE DONGHAE!!! COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!” Heechul ran past Kyuhyun, barely giving him a glance, not that he could see him, running after the aforementioned male. Donghae himself, had taken to hiding behind Hankyung who had just stepped into the room with Siwon.

 

“Whoa!” The Chinese man caught Heechul when the diva had failed to stop in time and almost crashed into him, steadying the elder. “What happened?”

 

“WHAT HAPPENED? DONGHAE TOOK MY FACIAL PRODUCTS AND USED THEM TO DRAW A SMILEY FACE ALL OVER THE MIRROR IN THE BATHROOM.” Heechul screeched into Hankyung’s ear, causing him to wince.

 

“Can’t you just buy another one?” Kyuhyun heard his own voice echo out and turned to find his mirror image curled up in a chair in front of the table, with the computer on in front of him, probably playing Starcraft.

 

“They’re a limited edition that’s shipped from Paris!”

 

“There there. We’ll ask Jaejoong to buy another one for you alright? I heard that they’re going there to film ‘Bonjour Paris’.” Siwon tried to appease the angered diva, while Donghae cowered behind him.

 

“Yup. They left this morning.” Kyu answered from where he had been sitting.

 

“In the mean time, why don’t you go and feed Heenim? He’s been purring at me for food since an hour ago.” Hankyung mentioned.

 

“Oh my god! My love! HEENIM!” Heechul raced out of his best friend’s hold to feed his forgotten beloved cat, totally forgetting about the matter at hand.

 

Siwon and Hankyung sighed as they watched Heechul’s retreating back, shaking their head at the diva’s antics. They turned back their attention to the two younger, one shaking in fear, the other nonchalant.

 

“Why don’t you go and help clean up the bathroom?” Siwon told Donghae. “I’m sure Heechul will forgive you afterwards.” The look on Donghae’s face brightened immediately, as he raced off to do what he could to gain the forgiveness, probably dragging Eunhyuk into it somewhere along the way.

 

“Kyu, go help Donghae.”

 

Kyu raised his head from his computer and stared. “Why?”

 

“Because I said so.” Hankyung replied. Kyu sighed before pushing himself off the chair reluctantly and made his way slowly to the bathroom.

 

Kyuhyun smiled as he watched his younger self dilly dally all the way there. All of a sudden, he felt that tug again and was drawn back into the clearing as the scene faded away from his sigh. What had happened? He wondered to himself. Why did he visit his memories again? Did they mean something? As Kyuhyun pondered to himself the meaning of these memories appearing before him, he heard a familiar voice, which he easily identified as Yunho’s.

 

_“As compared to the hardships, there are much more happy things.”_

 

Then he heard another voice, this time, though it was familiar to him too, he wasn’t able to place it.

 

_“At the very moment that you begin to think that there is nothing but despair left in the rest of your life, think about hope. Get in the habit of feeling joy from even the smallest things every day.”_

 

Somehow, he felt that these two quotes were aimed at him, telling him not to give up, to carry one. Before he had time to think about them, he heard voices from all around him.

 

“Wake up please.”

 

“Kyuhyun! Open your eyes.”

 

“Don’t give up, Kyu.”

 

“We’ll always be with you.”

 

Hyungs... A tear rolled down Kyuhyun’s face as he listened to them, yearning to go back to his members. He felt a tug in his gut, getting stronger and stronger as seconds passed, almost driving him to the point of unconsciousness, then sudden brightness,

 

~ Flashback end ~

 

Kyuhyun was drawn from his thoughts as the door to his ward slowly creaked open. He wasn’t expecting anyone now, and the nurse scheduled appointment to check him was not till a few hours later. And his members hadn’t called to notify him that they were coming, so who could it be?

 

The door opened fully, and a figure entered, dressed in a long cloak that Kyuhyun thought might be too hot for the person to be wearing in a building, with sunglasses and a scarf around his neck, a hat tilted down to cover his face. Kyuhyun was assuming that it was a ‘he’, not like he might be right. Immediately, the Super Junior maknae sensed something was wrong. After all, it’s not everyday somebody dressed like that comes creeping into your room without an invitation.

 

“Who are y-” Kyuhyun’s voice was cut off when the figure rushed to him immediately and jumped on the bed lightly, straddling him. The posture might had made him laugh if not for the hands that were around his throat, tightening by every minute.

 

“I hate people like you.” The figure hissed. Oh, it was a She. “Stupid Korean stars who think that they have every right on Earth to do what they want. Fuck. Super Junior is worst group ever. You guys can’t even dance, can’t even sing properly, relying only on the auto tune to make it worse than before. Fuck Leeteuk about being a good leader. ‘We’re the only group on Orion Charts who didn’t cheat.’ Say what? So you’re implying that other groups cheated? I’ll have you know that even SNSD can beat your popularity with proper guidance.”

 

With each sharp word that passes her mouth, the fingers around tightens almost impossibly. _Shit_. Of all people to come and visit, an anti fan had to do the honors. A rather murderous one at that.

 

The insults that spewed out of her mouth like cascading waterfalls hurt Kyuhyun’s head. He finds himself remembering the insults that the anti fans have spread online too, being pulled into the darkness as he struggled to get out.

 

No. No. His breath caught in his throat as his airway was blocked by the girl’s fingers. For a girl, the anti fan was really strong, being able to pin down his already weakened form, enabling him immobile. His weak long fingers pry at the girl’s fingers around his throat helplessly, feeling him eyes closing as figures danced in front of his eyes, seeing double of the world in front of him.

 

“Poor girls all decked in blue, being deceived by the likes of you people, wasting their money and time on you. I’ll do them a favor and remove Super Junior from the surface of the earth, starting with you. I would love to see the faces of your hyungs when they find out about your death. Don’t you agree?”

 

Kyuhyun drifted into darkness once more, unable to stop himself, with those words ringing in his ears.

 

 

“Hurry up!”

 

Hankyung shouted for the members to get their ass off the car seats and feet planted to the ground in front of the hospital. They had bought all their party materials, ready to give Kyuhyun the biggest surprise of his life. Little did they know, they would be getting the biggest surprise of their lives themselves.

 

“Coming coming. Sheesh. Chill.” Kangin muttered as he balanced the decorations in one hand and the cake in the other, pushing open the hospital’s door with his hip. The group entered the lobby, ignoring the curious stares they received from people around them, as they stood in front of the lift impatiently with Leeteuk tapping his toes and Eunhyuk jumping up and down. Even the usually calm Kibum was shifting from feet to feet.

 

The minute the lift door opened, the lift found itself being crammed with 14 full grown male bodies, and lots of decorations and party materials, along with a precariously balanced cake.

 

The members rushed out onto the 3rd floor when the lift door opened once again, Leeteuk pausing to check that everyone was there, (along with the party stuff) before heading off once more. It was then Sungmin realized as they neared the door that it was slightly opened.

 

“Funny. Kyuhyun always preferred the door to be fully close.” Heechul said.

 

Leeteuk paused in his footsteps, setting the things in his hand on the side bench against the wall, his Umma feelings tingling. Something was wrong. But he didn’t know what. Muffled choking sounds and a slightly angry voice drifted into Hankyung’s ears and he exchanged a look with Siwon, who’s eyes indicated that he had heard it to. Someone else was in there with Kyuhyun and it wasn’t looking so good.

 

Without hesitation, both of them burst towards the door, ignoring the protests of their members, slamming the door open and freezing, unaware of the 12 people who were behind them. A figure’s back was facing him and she/he was straddling Kyuhyun, with hands in front of her. Immediately, Hankyung ran over and pushed her off, flinging her to the ground where the anti fan let out a high pitched scream. But the eyes of Chinese male was fixated on Kyuhyun and the Super Junior maknae only.

 

“Fuck, Heechul.” He murmured.

 

Heechul looked up in surprise, one of the rare times to hear Hankyung swear.

 

“Get a doctor. NOW.” The tone in his best friend’s voice left no questions, and Heechul immediately fled for the doctor, dragging Kibum along with him.

 

“Wake up, Kyuhyun, wake up!” Hankyung muttered desperately, his hands massaging Kyuhyun’s sore throat which were imprinted with the anti fan’s fingerprints. “Wake up!”

 

He was soon joined by Siwon and Shindong both who tried to wake up their beloved younger member but to no avail, the anti fan left to Kangin and Sungmin, both who were glaring at her with looks which could literally slice her apart if possible. Zhou Mi and Henry were busy calming down Eunhyuk, Donghae and Leeteuk, all three who were lingering on the edge of hysteria, with Yesung and Ryeowook stone shocked in the background.

 

Hankyung, Siwon and Shindong found themselves pushed away by gentle hands of the nurses who had entered the room since goodness knows when and led outside, before the ward door was shut in their faces, only to find it opened a minute later, with the people in white coats and dresses wheeling away Kyuhyun to the operation room.

 

The members dropped onto the floor and the bench, too stunned by what had happened. They had never expected to see something like this, much less an anti fan, which had been handed over to their manager who had arrived immediately after Yesung had called him.

 

 _Not again_ was the only thought that was running through Hankyung’s head as he ran a hand through his messed up hair, silently aware of Kangin texting Yunho of their situation next to him. He sighed as he settled himself comfortably on the chair, acting as a cushion for Kibum and Heechul, the former’s head leaning against his shoulder and the latter’s head on his lap, and Siwon who surprisingly was resting his back against Hankyung’s knees, sitting cross-legged in front of him, all patiently waiting for news of their maknae. Again.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 13 - Oh No… Why?

 

Dark clouds loomed over the hospital building and thunder roared through the skies, an ominous feeling enveloping the surroundings. Silence fell upon the corridor as tension and anger could be felt throughout the entire corridor, leading patients shrinking back into their rooms and nurses quickening their pace as they passed the origin of it. Changmin sighed as he leaned against the white wall as he gazed at his hyungs through half-lidded eyes, Not again, he thought. Just when everything had been so perfect, his best friend on his way to recovery, that anti-fan just had to enter the scene and ruin it all. And now they were stuck outside the stupid operation room (again) waiting for that stupid best friend of his. He clenched his fist, feeling his fingers digging deep into the skin, drawing out blood. A familiar feel of frustration starts bubbling at the pit of his stomach, threatening to explode. The same feeling of frustration which he felt when _they_ left. With a growl, Changmin shoved the memory to the back of his mind and buried the feeling. It wouldn’t do anyone any good to have a murderous 25 year old guy snapping at anyone who tried to talk to him.

 

After Heechul and Kibum had fetched the doctors and nurses, which ended up being a flurry of actions which only ended up with Kyuhyun being wheeled into the operation room with a line of doctors following closely behind. And the members being left to wait again. It was almost like deja-vu all over again. And the aftermath of the entire incident which was more or less equaled to the members holding Kangin and Heechul back away from the anti-fan lest they end up killing her, which Changmin would not mind honestly but they were idols and they have a reputation to keep. For once, he really wanted to say ‘screw reputation.’ And so now they found themselves waiting outside the operation room, the members huddled together while Changmin waited for his leader who had disappeared into the distance to answer a phone call.

 

A hand encased his clenched fist, which was trembling, and fingers runs over his in an attempt to loosen his hold. Changmin looked up only to find himself staring into the face of his leader and that soft smile of his. Warmth filled his heard as drank in the face of the elder. Changmin managed a nervous tense smile, if it could even be called a smile, in return and found himself suddenly pressed against a warm body. A familiar scent washed over him and he breathed in deeply, burrowing his head into his leader’s chest while snaking his arms around the elder’s waist, returning the hug and tightening it.

 

“The court hearing would be held next week.” Changmin felt Yunho’s whisper tickle his ear as the caresses of Yunho’s fingers on his hair continued.

 

The maknae pulled away from the other and shot him a disbelieving look. “I thought that you would drop charges against her.”

 

Yunho shrugged. “It wasn’t my decision to make this time.” He shot the Super Junior members, who were currently huddling together, a glance and Changmin understood. This time, it wasn’t TVXQ’s fight, but Super Junior’s.

 

Yesung glanced up at the sounds of whispering and turned his head to look at his label mates who were standing away from his members and himself. Changmin felt the stare piercing his back and turned his attention to the Super Junior member and mouthed ‘court meeting’. Yesung nodded his head, getting the message, and slumped back down on his seat, feeling somewhat relieved that that particular matter had been taken care of. It was another burden lifted off Super Junior’s shoulders. A arrow of guilt pierced his heart as he watched Changmin supporting Yunho who suddenly collapsed on the maknae. TVXQ members had been doing so much for them, even taking over part of their schedules and working themselves to the point of exhaustion. They had done so much for them, yet the Super Junior members themselves were not able to help Yunho and Changmin in the time of need. Yesung looked away from them, not wanting to face the guilt now.

 

Shindong sighed and leaned back against his chair, ignoring the creaking sound that it made as he casted a quick glance at the surroundings and his members. He managed a tense smile to himself when he noticed that the corridors of the hospital around them were desolated. Their mood had somehow ended up affecting everyone else. Footsteps echoed through out the silent corridor as someone made their way down. Shindong paid it no heed, assuming that it was just a nurse during her job and checking on the patients. He however, gave a start when the owner of the footsteps began speaking.

 

“The court meeting would be held next week. Would you guys like to attend?”

 

Yunho’s soft voice washed over the Super Junior members as one by one, they lifted their tired eyes to look at the TVXQ’s leader. Changmin came up behind his hyung and smiled gently at them.

 

“The company has decided to send five people as a representative for Super Junior for the court hearing, so we need to know who would be going.”

 

The sentence created a flurry of reactions as each member stated his own reasons for going, all wanting to get back at the anti-fan for what she did to their maknae.

 

“I’m not going.” Hankyung’s voice shocked the members. Seeing the questioning and bewildered looks shot at him, he smiled and shrugged. “My Korean isn’t that good. I won’t be of much use in the hearing.”

 

Heechul nodded, glad at his best friend’s sensibility. “In that case, I will go, along with Kangin hyung.”

 

Everyone nodded, not really understanding why Heechul chose Kangin, but no one dared to protest. From Heechul’s point of view, Kangin would be the next most suitable candidate beside Leeteuk, but Heechul didn’t want to stress the other man out any further. The leader hadn’t slept well for quite a few days. Besides, there where times when Kangin could be serious and solemn. Leeteuk looked at Kibum and asked, “Kibum ah, would you mind accompanying them to the hearing?”

 

Kibum’s eyes widened at his hyung’s statement. “Why me?”

 

“Because you are the only one who can control those two hot-headed people there.”

 

Kibum nodded his answer as he glanced nervously at Heechul and Kangin who gave him encouraging smiles. Unlike his hyungs, Kibum had never attended a court hearing before and had no idea what to expect of it. A slight commotion began as the remaining members began discussing who the other two people to attend the hearing should be.

 

“I’m sorry for imposing on you two again but would both of you attend the hearing with us?” Leeteuk’s sudden question, directed at the two TVXQ members, shushed the commotion immediately. Yunho raised his eyebrows at the leader, understanding his intention before nodding after receiving a nudge from Changmin who voiced his consent. The two leaders smiled at each other, conveying a message no wonder else could understand.

 

Donghae stared at the two hyungs who were currently staring at each other, before shooting a questioning gaze at Changmin, hoping he might knew what was going on with the two of them, only to receive a shrug. ‘Leader’s stuff. Best not know.’ was what Changmin’s look conveyed.

 

Just then, the operation room’s door opened and a doctor stepped out. Leeteuk immediately rose to face the doctor, nerves tingling at what was about to happen. Yunho rested his hand on the other’s shoulder to give him moral support. The doctor gulped as he shifted nervously from the intensity of the gazes from the members on him. He dropped his eyes, unable to face the hopefulness and desperation in the member’s eyes. He took a deep breath and steeled himself. It was his job to let the members know. It was his job as a doctor.

 

“Kyuhyun ssi has pulled through.”

 

A relieved gasp was heard through out the room.

 

“He has been stabilized. As far as we were able to determine, there are no damages to his brain. Though he is currently dependable on the medical ventilator to keep breathing. Kyuhyun ssi is currently in a coma now.” The doctor said, overlooking the clipboard which he had been holding. He then looked up at them, serious. “I am not going to lie to you; it doesn’t look good seen from a psychological point of view. From what information we could gather from the tests we ran, he has been through a lot and his brain might have shut down as a result of the stress or from the attack.” The members sat in complete silence, mind unable to comprehend anything at all, staring at the doctor in pure shock.

 

“What does that mean?” Yunho asked.

 

The doctor turned his gaze through him, eyes matching Yunho’s firm stare.

 

“It means that Kyuhyun ssi might not want to wake up again and if he doesn’t want to, he might not wake up ever.”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 14 - Wishing For A Miracle

 

Dark. Dark. It was so dark. He couldn’t see anything. Kyuhyun opened his eyes and found himself somehow floating on his back amidst the darkness. So he was back here again? He looked around, hoping to find some sort of clue that was able to enlighten him to what had happened.

 

The last thing he remembered was.... oh, he was strangled by a unknown person. He had known something wasn’t right the moment she stepped in, and for once, he hated being right. He brought his hand up to his throat, fingers gently dusting the place where she had wrapped her fingers around. The muscles there were still sore. He sighed. Looks like this particular injury wouldn’t be going away. With nothing to do in the dark, Kyuhyun allowed himself to drift and let his thoughts run. But he should had known, thinking was a dangerous past time.

 

He didn’t know how someone could have done this to him. Was he that hated that they wanted him dead? This incident bought his memories back to when Yunho was poisoned. He could remember Super Junior’s reactions, to say that they were shocked was an understatement.

 

~ Flashback ~

 

It was normal day, normal as normal could get for thirteen fully grown men. Kyuhyun was lounging on the sofa, flipping through television channels, trying to find something interesting to watch. He had finally managed to wrestle the television control away from Heechul by allowing him to use his computer for a day. Heechul’s own computer had been smashed by the princess himself when he was throwing a tantrum over god-knows-what.

 

“Rrrriiingg....” The dorm phone rang, the sound echoing off the walls. Kyuhyun ignored it in favour of the couch, knowing that someone would soon be unable to stand the piercing sound and answer the phone, and that person wouldn’t be him.

 

Kibum groaned as the phone rang. He was too comfortable to move. “Hankyung hyung, can you answer the phone?” He called out.

 

“NO. Kyungie is helping me with something.” Heechul answered back instead, probably hogging the China man for something that Kibum had no interest in finding out. That was probably for the best, knowing how eccentric the diva could get. “Ryeowook, answer the phone!” Heechul shouted.

 

“Busy cooking. Dinner is ready in 10 minutes. Yesung, are you free to answer the phone?” Ryeowook shouted back, busy in the kitchen preparing dinner for a group of hungry boys.

 

“My ddangkoma is gone! I’m trying to find him!” Yesung yelled back, scouring the dorm for the missing turtle. “Hyukkie, phone!”

 

Eunhhyuk groaned as he detached himself from the video console. Looks like the duty landed up on him. He shuffled his feet over to the phone that was still persistently ringing, wanting to get this over and done with so that he could return to his game quickly.

 

“Yes, Super Junior speaking.” He said into the phone.

 

“Hyukkie?” A tearful voice croaked from the other end.

 

“Junsu? Su? What’s wrong?” He asked worriedly, mood changing in a split second. It was rare for his best friend in DBSK to contact him via the dorm phone. That was personal phones were used for after all. The mention of the DBSK’s member attracted the attention of his members.

 

Silence ensured before they heard Eunhyuk gasp in shock, hand trembling slightly. “Really? Is he alright? ... Oh god. I hope she dies a horrible death. ... That forgiving idiot. ... Are you alright? Want me to go over there? ... Sure? ... Alright then. Be strong.” The monkey hung up the phone, and turned around to face his members. Kibum gasped, seeing the other’s face drawn in pain. Hankyung appeared out of nowhere, presumably having escaped from Heechul’s hold, and moved towards the younger. A quick glance to the side told Kibum that Heechul was there too, with a worried look on his face. Eunhyuk buried himself in Hankyung’s chest, body trembling. Concerned looks were shot across the room. What could have happened to cause Eunhyuk to be this worried?

 

“Y-Yunho... He’s been poisoned by superglue given to him by an anti.” The bomb dropped. Everyone stared in shock at the information given to them. DBSK’s leader? Poisoned? Why? What did he do to be hated like that? A loud noise threw them back into reality and they turned to see Kyuhyun off the couch, standing with his phone in his hand. “Calling Changmin.” Was all he gave before Heechul and Yesung took off for their phones, both calling Jaejoong and Yoochun respectively.

 

“It’s alright... It’s alright...” Hankyung muttered to the other, knowing that what he said was a lie. It wasn’t alright. How could it be? “Are you heading over there?” He asked. Eunhyuk pulled himself away from the elder and nodded determinedly, drying his tears. “I have to. Junsu needs me to be strong for him.” In a flash, the Super Junior members that were in the dorm were on their feet. “We’ll go with you.”

 

~ Flashback ends ~

 

Ah... They were such a happy family then, Kyuhyun mused. But they were now too. Before... the attempted suicide... before the attempted murder. He shuddered. He was murdered, or almost murdered. After all, the last time he ended up in this place, he woke up from a coma right? And to think he thought that maybe what would kill him in the end was his suicide, or maybe of old age. But how harsh reality was, murder instead. He had almost died once during the car accident, twice during his attempted suicide, and now thrice? What was that saying, ah, third time’s the charm or something. Maybe he really was going to die.

 

The maknae of Super Junior shook his head. _No,_ he thought. _I don’t want to die, I want to go back to my hyungs..._ He trailed off remembering what his murderer had said. Was Super Junior that bad? Was it his fault? He couldn’t do anything properly, the only thing he could do was being snarky, and even so, Heechul was better at that than he was. Super Junior was a big group, it was hard to find something that he excelled in.

 

He could sing, but so could Yesung and Ryeowook. Heck, they were better singers than he was and would ever be.

 

He could dance but it was widely acknowledged that Donghae and Eunhyuk were the main dancers of the group.

 

He could do variety shows and humor, but even with that, Leeteuk and Shindong were better at that than he was.

 

As mentioned before, he could do snarky, but Heechul took that post already.

 

So just what was he good for? He wondered, remembering the anti comments that he had read online. Maybe they were right, Super Junior becoming like this was all his fault. Maybe it was better if he didn’t join Super Junior, maybe it was better if he simply didn’t exist, then his hyungs wouldn’t be suffering, he thought to himself, feeling tears well up in his eyes.

 

His body felt cold. It was so cold, he shivered wrapping his arms around himself. Then, he felt a shift in the air before everything began burning hot, like a desert. The surroundings kept changing, cold, then hot, then back to cold again and hot. He could feel himself slipping away. He was tired, just so tired. And everything was so dark around him.

 

 

The room was silent, save for the faint beeping of the heart monitor. Siwon looked upon the scene with sullen eyes. Again, they had almost come close to losing their maknae, except this time, there was no response. It had been five days since that incident had happened and two days to the court hearing. He did not know how the representatives were holding up, he could only hope that they were doing well. The members who weren’t going to be present at the hearing themselves weren’t holding up well, with the pressure of the hearing, Siwon didn’t want to imagine how it would be.

 

He leaned back and looked around. Heechul, Kangin and Kibum were gone to discuss the matters of the hearing with the TVXQ members. Hankyung and Leeteuk were leaning on each other, sitting on the chairs provided, with the China member’s arms around the leader, gently holding him up. His heart ached for Leeteuk. The pain must be like a mother for their child, not to say that he was not feeling any pain in his heart. Shindong, Sungmin and Yesung had leaned against the wall, just below the window. They looked so peacefully asleep but at the same time, worried creases between their eyebrows. Donghae and Eunhyuk were asleep on the floor, clinging to the other like the other was the final lifeline. Ryeowook had dragged Henry out to order takeaway for the other members. He was dragged from his observations with a slight nudge and turned to face Zhou Mi looking at him worriedly.

 

“I’m fine.” He shook his head slightly, trying to reassure the other and appease his worry. Zhou Mi leaned his head on the other’s shoulder. “Do you think we’ll ever be alright?” He asked. Siwon smiled back. “I believe.”

 

Slowly, the members began to wake up, rubbing eyes and popping joints, every now and then glancing at Kyuhyun’s bed to see if there had been any improvement, only to look away disappointedly. Ryeowook and Henry returned, with bags of food in their arm. They distributed the food and Ryeowook made sure everyone of them ate, standing over them glaring at whoever dared to put the box down without finishing his food. For once, the Super Junior members were docile and obedient, each too tired to do anything else. There were dark circles under their eyes despite the fact that all they did was to either stay at the dorm or come to the hospital to visit their maknae. The stress of the situation was slowly taking its toll on them.

 

On a whim, Henry glanced over at Kyuhyun’s heart monitor. He never did liked that thing, it was as if taunting him that his hyung could die anytime. Suddenly he jumped up and started shouting, pressing the button for the nurses and doctors frantically. The other members looked at him in confusion before turning their gaze to Kyuhyun, only to also jump up in shock. Ryeowook ran out of the door in search of the doctor while everyone stared in confusion, unsure of what to do, hearts racing, staring at the heart monitor. Kyuhyun’s heartbeat was starting to slow down. The line was dropping.

 

A gasp was heard and they turned to the doorway, seeing the maknae of TVXQ standing there. Why was he here? Yesung thought worriedly. There was enough pressure on Changmin. They soon forgot the newcomer when doctors and nurses started streaming in, doing whatever checks they had to do and shooing everyone else out of the room. Pure chaos.

 

Changmin stared in shock. The meeting had ended early and he left first, wanting to visit his best friend before he headed off to his schedule. But never did he think that he would be greeted with a spectacle like this. “I’m sorry but all of you have to clear out. We can only admit one person in to talk to Kyuhyun ssi, in hopes that it will be able to help him.” Changmin dashed into the room without a thought for anyone else, he needed to see his best friend. That was all there was to it. He couldn’t lose anyone he loved again.

 

Hankyung watched grimly as the maknae of TVXQ ran in, before turning his head and nodding for everyone to obey the rules. He knew that now, the one who had the most chance of getting through to Kyuhyun was Changmin. His own members were in too much shock, confusion and despair to think clearly. He leaned against the wall, opting to stand as there weren’t enough benches left. This was a mess. Everything was so chaotic and he didn’t know how to react. He wished that Heechul was here, at least the diva would know what to do, hopefully. A thud sounded near by and he glanced over to see Leeteuk lying on the ground with Shindong supporting his head. He sighed and walked over, gesturing for Siwon to lift the leader up in his arms and onto the benches. It looks like Leeteuk had fainted from too much shock. He wished that he could just drop unconscious too, not needing to deal with anything but the hopeful and desperate stares of his dongsaengs just didn’t allow it. He turned to find all of them looking at him, clearly waiting for his next words. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. There was nothing left to do.

 

“We just have to wait and believe.”

 

 

Changmin grasped Kyuhyun’s hand tightly, barely aware of the flurry of activities that was around him. What the doctors and nurses were doing were none of his business. Right now, his main focus was this man lying in front of him.

 

“Please, please Kyu. You can’t die. Please.” The once proud Shim Changmin was _begging_. He hadn’t begged ever since JYJ left the dorm doors. That was the only time he had ever begged. And now he was doing it again.

 

“Please Kyu. You have to stay strong. Your members love you. They sat here for five straight days watching over you, hoping for some miracle. You can’t give up like that.” He pressed the Super Junior’s member’s hand to his forehead. It was cold. “Please...”

 

“You can do this. I know you can. Pull through. Heechul and Kangin are so mad over the girl. They wanted to disembowel her right on the spot. They love you, you know that right? Despite what they say, it’s called tough love. You’re familiar with that because that’s how you express your love too, right Kyu?” At this point, Changmin was rambling, unsure of what to say. He could feel tears streaming now his face as he watched the heart rate drop further, his own heart dropping along with it.

 

“Please.” He buried his face into the bed. It wasn’t working, Changmin was smart enough to know that. Kyuhyun was dying and he couldn’t do anything. “Please. I don’t want to lose someone that I love again. Not ever again. I couldn’t protect them, so at least, I want to protect you. Kyuhyun, you idiot. I don’t want to lose you too.”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 15 - Court Hearing

 

Camera flashes filled the steps as the Korean idols stepped out of the limousine, eyes hard, face solemn as they walked through the crowd, having a path cleared for them by their bodyguards. They made their way up to the court, breathing shallow, their feet hardly making a sound as they walked down the corridor like princes, cool and unapproachable. The doors opened as their presence was announced, all eyes swivelling to meet their intimidating figures.

 

The judge announced the start of the court, starting off by reading the rules and how the court hearing was going to proceed. They started off by the convicted giving her own sentence. Somehow the girl had insisted on defending herself instead of finding a layer. Even though that was against the rules, TVXQ and Super Junior being the top stars in Korea’s industry were able to pull the authority card and tweak the rules a bit. After all, they themselves wanted to hear what the girl wanted to say. Call it masochism or maybe just planning the revenge that they wanted in accordance to what the girl said.

 

The girl made her way to the stand, haughty enough to stick her nose in the air. Adopting a relaxed stance, she smirked in the direction of the celebrities. “Why did I do the actions that I did? I believe that that was the question, no?” She chuckled to herself. “Well obviously, why shouldn’t I? All of the idols were scum. Especially that bastard from Super Junior. Being snarky and all on television. Who did he think he was? Some god? All what you guys have to do is go on television, pose and look nice and maybe strip off some clothes or something. Disgusting.” At this, she huffed loudly. “Scum. Dirt. That’s how all of you are. Plastic dolls who undergoes manufacturing. You don’t deserve to live all of you gay fags. So why can’t I kill him off? It’s not like his existence mattered anyway.”

 

Heechul broke the girl’s rant speech with a angry snarl and almost threw himself off the stands, hands aching to break that girl’s insolent neck. “How dare you. Bloody bitch. What gives you the right to take someone life.” He growled at the girl. “It’s people who are like you should die. Fucking bitch. You bastard. I’m going to kill you.” He would have actually had carried out his threat if it wasn’t for Kibum and Kangin holding him back. The latter himself was trembling in anger at what the girl had said but he had enough common sense knowing that if he blew his temper, he would achieve nothing at all, instead probably making things even worse.

 

“Hyung. Calm down. CALM. DOWN.” Kibum hissed, gripping the other’s arm tightly as a warning. “Hyung.” He said sternly, eyes quickly glancing around to see what the impact of Heechul’s outburst had caused. And it was indeed as he expected, with most of the people looking at them with either disgusted or stunned expression, muttering to each other loudly. Heechul trembled with suppressed rage as he glared at the girl, choosing to ignore the commotion around him. If looks could kill, she would have been to hell and back thousands of time already.

 

Suddenly the crowed quieted as all eyes turned to a young male who had made his way up to the stand quietly, his tall figure cut an imposing silhouette. Looking at the girl directly with blank eyes that caused her to shiver, he asked quietly. “What is it that makes idols different? How are we different from the rest of you?” He waved a hand at the crowd, never once breaking his gaze from the girl’s eyes, forcing her to maintain eye contact with him.

 

“Is it because we sing? Because we danced? Because we appeared on television shows and stages? But at the end of the day, we breath. We eat. We sleep. When the times get hard, we cry. When something funny happens, we laugh. We’re still _human_. Cut us open, and the same red blood would flow out. We came out from our mother’s stomach, drank our mother’s milk when we were babies, had a childhood, made friends. We aren’t any different from you. We break down when stress and pressure get to us. We’re not heartless. We still care for our parents, our friends, our members, our fans. We share our pain and laughter with each other. So why is it that to you we’re aliens or monsters? Why did you try to kill Kyuhyun? He’s the same as you. What did he do to wrong you?” The girl became more and more nervous as the male spoke.

 

Silence gripped the crowd as they processed what the male had just spoken, no one dared to even move. They looked up again when Yunho walked up and stood beside his maknae, his eyes sweeping across the crowd in one glance. Changmin casted his hyung a glance and bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement as Yunho sent him an approving look.

 

“Haters are kind.” The leader of TVXQ said in a soft voice, his very sentence startling the girl. “They show you what you are missing when it’s out of sight.” Looking at the girl more gently than what she deserved, he asked. “What is it that Super Junior is missing? What is Kyuhyun missing? Tell them, and they’ll improve to the best that they can.” Straightening up, he sighed before continuing. “I’m sure all of you know of my poisoning incident. At that time, my only thought was what did I do wrong to deserve this? There are many things that happen behind the scenes that the fans don’t know. The hours that we spent in vocal lessons, the sweat that drips down our faces and neck in the dance studio. We try our best to bring the best to our fans. We appreciate their support because we know all too well that without them, we would be nothing. Nothing at all.” He paused and allowed what he said to sink in before looking at the girl with determined eyes.

 

“If haters tell us we don’t dance well, we would train harder and longer than other members. If we don’t sing well, we would take more singing lessons to improve our singing. If we were whiny and stuck up, we would try to hold our head up more often. But while you can hate us and bash us all verbally, it doesn’t give you any right to attempt and murder someone, no matter how much you think they deserve it.” He took a deep breath and fisted his fist, only for another hand to cover his own trembling fist.

 

Changmin smiled softly at his hyung before turning sincere eyes towards the convicted. “Do you know how murders happen? They often happen due to revenge or hatred. Hatred goes in a cycle. You hate someone, you kill them. Their family wants hatred or revenge, they kill you. Your family or friends want hatred or revenge, they kill that family. In the end, it just goes over and over again. That we know very well.”

 

The girl huffed and cut the TVXQ’s maknae off. “You mean like how your three supposed brothers turned their backs and left you? Pathetic. So much for talking about others, speak for yourself.” Kibum tensed at that, his grip became stronger on not only Heechul’s arm but also Kangin’s, sensing both of their anger at that statement.

 

Yunho met the girl’s mocking glare defiantly and smiled. “Yes. They have their own reasons for doing so. If you love someone, you would let them go if it was for their happiness. We love Jaejoong, Junsu and Yoochun. Their happiness is our foremost thought. Similarly, only love and forgiveness can break the hatred cycle. It won’t do either of us any good to harbor a grudge for a long time. It would just make us even more weary. That being said, we’ve already forgiven them.” Changmin nodded at his hyung in agreement. “Though we have strayed off topic, I’m sure you get our point right?” They both smiled brightly at the girl to the audience’s amazement before nodding at her and walking off the stand, gesturing for the three Super Junior members to join them. “Most honourable judge, due to our hectic schedule, we would be taking our leave now. I trust you to make the best and most fair decision.” They bowed at the judge, receiving the permission to leave the courtroom first.

 

Heechul gave one last glare at the girl before following his label mates, stomping on his way out while Kangin walked behind him, in amusement at his hyung’s actions, angered by the anti’s words and in awe at the way TVXQ had handled the entire situation. Kibum, on the other hand, let out a sigh of relief. Thank god Heechul hyung and Kangin hyung left the courtroom without making too much of a scene. Feeling emotionally drained from trying to calm both his hyungs and himself down, he headed towards the door, pausing in the doorway to turn back and look at the girl who was standing there in shock.

 

“You know,” he called out to her, attracting her attention. “If Yunho hyung and Changmin hyung weren’t there, you would have been all over the floor in minced pieces. The next time any of you are smart enough to pull off such a move again, no one is going to protect you from Heechul hyung or Kangin hyung. But you best watch out for Hankyung hyung and Teukie hyung too.” He smirked before turning away, chuckling to himself as he quickly hurried after his hyungs.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 16 - Voices In The Dark

 

If he didn’t know any better, and everything around him wasn’t simply just a blanket of darkness, he would have thought that there was an elephant sitting on him. The pressure against his chest was painfully strong, and it wasn’t just limited to a single place. Something that he couldn’t see had wrapped its tendrils around him - his navel, his wrists, his thighs, everywhere it could reach, slowly dragging him down. Down? Or was it up? In an abyss with nothing at all, but just simply darkness, he had no sense of direction. None.

 

Lost in the darkness, all alone, and now being dragged around by some mysterious force. Lovely. And if things couldn’t get any worse, everything was starting to feel faint. He couldn’t breath as easily as before, could barely feel his fingers, couldn’t even be bothered to think any more. Surprisingly, it didn’t scare him as much as it should had. To give it all up, that sounded brilliant He allowed himself a tired and drowsy smile.

 

 _‘Enough.’_ He whispered quietly, the sound echoing loudly in the quiet world of darkness. And all was silent again.

 

 _‘Kyuhyun ah!’_ A voice pierced the silence, but it sounded so faint. So distant. The said male was so tempted to let it slide. What was the use anyway? _‘Kyuhyun ah!’_ The voice called out again, louder this time and with more urgency. _‘Come back here!’_ Kyuhyun blearily opened his eyes, not even slightly surprised to see a flicker of light aboe him. Somehow, it seemed like nothing to unsettle him anymore. ‘ _Give me back the control!_ ’ _Heechul hyung_ , he noted to himself, matching the voice to a face.

 

 _‘Yah! Maknae! Let’s go play in the rain!’_ The voice changed to a more youthful one. He could easily match it to a childish fish. _‘Donghae hyung…’_ He whispered, closing his eyes shut tight.

 

 _‘Wanna go out shopping? Come with me please~’_ A laughter echoed in the silent world of darkness as the language swapped from Korean to Chinese. _‘Zhou Mi ge’_ , he grimaced as he forced to mind to go blank, not wanting to face the onslaught of memories.

 

 _‘Did you remember to take your jacket? Your scarf? It’s very cold out there. Got everything you need?’Your wallet? Your phone?’_ Leeteuk umma.. always nagging, always looking out for him.

 

 _‘Beijing Fried Rice? Again? Alright, anything else you want?’_ Oh Hankyung ge… the foreigner whom Super Junior treated and loved as much as a brother.

 

‘ _Let’s go to the gym! I need to lose weight for our next comeback!’_ Shindong hyung, the guy whom the company had never been able to accept him for who he was.

 

‘ _Ahhh~~~ I’m so bored… Boreddddd… Kyu, entertain me please…”_ Sungmin hyung… the restless and adorable child.

 

‘ _I’m going out with Junsu to play games at the arcade. Bye!’_ Eunhyuk hyung, always smiling that gummy smile of his no matter what happened.

 

Snippets of conversation from everyday life - things that he had taken for granted.

 

‘ _Yah Maknae! Stop terrorising your hyungs!’_ Kangin hyung, loving Super Junior despite his fierce looks.

 

 _‘Gege, help with my homework?’_ Henry ah, the real and talented maknae of Super Juniors, thrusted at such a young age into the harsh entrainment world yet never once regretting it for the sake of his brothers.

 

 _‘Have you had breakfast yet? Lunch? How about dinner?’_ Wookie ah, part of the maknae line yet still caring for his hyungs.

 

‘ _Kyu ah, have you seen my turtle anywhere? DID YOU FLUSH HIM DOWN THE TOILET BOWL AGAIN?’_ Yesung hyung, the weird but dependable hyung.

 

 _‘I’m going out to church. Do you wanna come or do you want to stay here and quarrel with Heechul hyung?’_ Siwon hyung, the man of exaggerated gestures and a warm heart.

 

 _‘Stop. Stop this. Please.’_ He covered his ears and pleaded, with whom he did not know. _‘No more… I don’t deserve this.’_ Oh, but he knew he did. For all the sins that he had committed, he did.

 

 _‘Hello? I’m managed to get time off my schedule so you better treat me to a good restaurant.’_ Kibummie who was always with Super Junior in spirit.

 

It was torture. Pure torture. To hear his hyungs’ voices just when he had decided to give up, to stop fighting, to calmly accept death. Hearing the laughter and joy in their voices when he thought he had finally made his decision. His previous resolution, which he had thought was set in stone, was now shaken. What was his next step to be?

 

Death.

 

Live.

 

Give up.

 

Fight on.

 

Darkness.

 

Light.

 

Which should he choose?

 

Confusion drowned his sense, crashing down on him with each wave that passed. He didn’t know what to choose. Not for the first time ever since he had been in this predicament, he wished that there was someone to at least guide him through whatever he was supposed to do.

 

“Isn’t it alright? To let your hyungs take the lead for once?” A voice whispered by his ear all of a sudden. Somehow, it soothed his nerves even though he knew perfectly well that there was no one behind him, or any where near him. Nor was he startled by the suddenness. “You’ve been through so much, Kyuhyun ah… So much… And so strong… It’s alright to give up and let your hyungs lead you.

 

A force, that felt a lot like a hand, supported him from the back and pushed him closer towards the light. In a fit of panic, he struggled wildly, writhing and squirming, scared of what was happening. Another force gently held him down, its strength firm but not hard. “It’s ok. You can trust us.”

 

“Jae… hyung?” He croaked out uncertainly. That was impossible. Forget the setting being in some dark creepy place that might or might not be in the deepest depths of his subconscious, there _he_ could be there. He couldn’t even meet _him_ in real life. “How…”

 

“My, my. Cat got your tongue, Kyu baby?” A teasing voice. Not Jaejoong’s, but still familiar.

 

“Junsu hyung…. You guys should be here. You left!” Without knowing it himself, his voice had reached an octave higher from shock.

 

“Tsk tsk tsk. Such poor faith in your hyungs. We never left. We had been always here, watching you guys.” The final missing member of the quintet. Yoochun hyung…

 

“Here…?” Yoochun hyung…. It couldn’t be that they had always been in his mind? Just how screwed up was he?

 

“Here, there, whatever. Don’t bother about the little details.” The baritone of TVXQ dismissed his question without a beat. “The issue at hand is what are you going to do? What would you choose?”

 

“I… Choose…?”

 

“Oh, Jaejoong hyung this is bad. Staying here in the darkness had somehow reduced Super Junior’s maknae’s intelligence! At this rate he will never beat Minnie in a quiz or a game!” Junsu proclaimed mockingly.

 

“Oi!” Kyuhyun yelled back indignantly.

 

“Ohh…. feisty.” The maknae of the trio laughed.

 

“Come now, Suie ah. Don’t tease the poor baby. He’s still in shock probably.” Jaejoong’s voice attempted to ease the ‘tension’ between the two. “Though honestly, what do you choose? Kyuhyun ah.”

 

Kyuhyun furrowed his brows and turned around in an attempt to face the voices, realising that he could move freely again. “You’ve been telling me to choose choose choose. But what am I even supposed to be choosing between?” He asked, confused.

 

“Your hyungs. Or death, should you choose to give up.” Yoochun replied, causing Kyuhyun’s forthcoming protests to fall silent. He blinked owlishly in the dark before tilting his head, pondering. Was it easier to escape the pain?

 

A sigh followed as Junsu sensed his hesitation. “Just so you know, your hyungs will cry. Like a lot. Until the entire company is flooded with tears and they have to call the plumber else the place would become a swimming pool.”

 

“They won’t. They’ll cry. And they’ll move on.” Kyuhyun shook his head determinedly. There was no way that his hyungs would miss him to that sort of extent. He wasn’t worth it.

 

“Do you think we ever moved on from being TVXQ? That we stopped missing Yunho and Changmin?” Yoochun’s voice sounded sad, almost heartbreaking. The Super Junior maknae almost felt his blood freeze in his veins. Never in this lifetime, or any other would he have expected to hear JYJ discussing their true feelings regarding the separation, much less with him.

 

“We never stopped loving them. Never.” Jaejoong’s voice was certain and resolved, unshaken. There was no doubt, no fear, no hesitation, unlike the last time Kyuhyun had heard him, which was the day before they left the company. He knew what he was talking about. “And all we did was to leave the company.”

 

“But leaving the company is different from death, you know. At least there’s always the reassurance there that we are able to meet again someday.” Junsu added on. “So don’t make the same mistake as we did.”

 

“Mistake?” Kyuhyun trailed off, wondering if he was along the same thought-line as them.

 

“Don’t leave your members behind.” Yoochun clarified. “Sure all of us have to die someday, but don’t hurry that date along. You still have time. Time to make new memories and cherish them. Time to laugh. Time to cry.”

 

“Can you hear them? They’re crying. Your hyungs’ hearts are crying for you.” Junsu told him. Sure enough, Kyuhyun could. Or at least what sounded like an echo of that.

 

“There’s still time. Don’t give up, Kyuhyun ah. Life is worth fighting for, especially if there are people waiting for you.” Jaejoong whispered in what sounded like a goodbye, the voices fading away and leaving him in the darkness. Alone. But that’s alright. He knew what he would do.

 

Or rather that choice has always been in his heart. It just needed a little push.

 

“Thank you hyung-deul.” Kyuhyun whispered and closed his eyes.

 

* * *

 

Chapter 17 - A Note With Flowers

 

Bright. Really really bright. What on earth is that beeping sound? It’s being going on for a while. Getting annoying. Make it stop. Anyone. Stop. STOP. Why isn’t it stopping? At least bring it away. Hey, toes and finger. Can feel. Somewhat. Can hear people rushing around too. Can’t tell what they’re saying.

 

Tried to open eyes. Failed. Why? Tried again. Still failed. Whatever. Too tired for now. Going back to sleep.

 

~~~

 

Dark. Was it night outside? Quiet. Beeping sound still here. Annoying. Ignoring it. Breathing? Is someone beside? Huh, wonder why.

 

Tried to move hands. Can’t. Step by step then. Left hand first. Come on. Come on. Just move already. Hey, it twitched. Now left hand. Ah, a little bit. It’s getting nosier. People screaming.

 

Being prodded at. Stop it. Doesn’t feel nice. GO AWAY.

 

Finally. Peace and quiet now. Raining? Face feel wet. Still tired though. Back to sleep.

 

~~~

 

Still dark. Slept for too long maybe. Quiet though. Good good. Quiet is good. Hands feel heavy. Funny that. Hmm….

 

~~~

 

Hear someone calling. K… Kyu… Kyuhyun? Is that me? Hmm… Annoying buzzing voice. Asking me to wake up? Don’t wanna. Go away. Don’t wanna wake up. Leave me alone.

 

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP.

 

~~~

 

A white ceiling was what he glimpsed during that short span of time when he opened his eyes. Bad mistake. His eyelids returned to their original state almost immediately due to the sudden influx of light that bought pain to his eyes. Let’s try again. This time, he was smarter. Kyuhyun opened his eyes slowly, bit by bit, fairly aware of the commotion that was currently surrounding him and the heavy weights on both his hands. The weights were warm though. Instead of the white ceiling that he had previously glimpsed, he was met with a familiar face instead.

 

“H-hyung?” He croaked out, wincing at the hoarse quality of his voice. It was hard to imagine that the scratchy voice once belonged to a deep baritone singer. There was a flurry of activity around him, people in white, he noted. Yet Kyuhyun kept his eyes fixed on his hyung, almost as if the mere action of averting his eyes would cause the other to disappear into thin air. A cup was pressed into his hand and he was helped to sit up slowly. Warm strong hands rested against his back as he leaned into them gratefully.

 

‘Are you ok?’

 

‘Do you need anything?’

 

‘Are you in any pain?’

 

Such questions flew over his head as the male focused solely on the cup in his hand. Hands removed the oxygen mask that was covering his mouth and nose. He bought the cup up to his lips and tipped his head back, relishing in the feeling of cool water sliding down his dry throat. His arm felt weird though and he looked down to see a tube sticking out of it. Kyuhyun’s line of sight followed it until it rested on an IV stand. The empty cup was then taken away from him. His empty fingers skittered around gently, looking for something to hold on to before settling on the blanket instead, bunching it up in his hands.

 

Everything felt surreal. There was a heavy fog in his mind. And he was slightly overwhelmed by everyone crowding around him and the noise that they were making. A group of familiar faces surrounded him but somehow, he could not put a name to any of them. The young male let out a tired sigh as lethargy settled down on his shoulders, making his body feel heavy. He was once again gently laid back down onto the bed, the slight scent of antiseptic drifting into his nostrils. Fingers gently dusted across his forehead, soothing out furrowed brows as the noise around him gradually settled down and he finally succumbed to sleep.

 

The next time he woke up, it was back to the white ceiling but the weight on his hands were still there. His mind no longer felt like it was wading through a heavy mist. Kyuhyun stared at the ceiling for numerous seconds before blinking and turning to his side. Oh… he could finally place a name to that face. He turned to the other side. Him too. Both figures were asleep, their heads resting on the crook of their elbow of their other hand that wasn’t holding Kyuhyun’s.

 

Kyuhyun fidgeted slightly in his bed, unsure of what to say or what to do. The room was surprisingly devoid of any other people, given the noise level that he had experienced during his previous awakening. The slight movement disturbed the two males on his sides and they both blinked their eyes open sleepily. The baritone singer watched them quietly, slightly mesmerised by the sight and curious to their reactions.

 

Not one to disappoint, both males snapped to being fully awake upon seeing Kyuhyun looking at both of them. “Kyu!” Donghae gasped out. The said male pushed himself up into a sitting position, only to huff when he realised that his arms were still a tad too weak to support his weight. His hyungs were on their feet at once, more than happy to help. Once comfortably settled, he returned his attention to them.

 

“W-what…” He trailed off, unsure of where to start

 

“Do you remember what happened before? The anti fan?” Siwon asked worriedly, letting out a relieved sigh when he received a nod in reply.

 

“She was bought to court and charges were pressed against her for attempted murder. She’s been sentenced to 15 years of imprisonment since she’s under the age of 18.” He detailed out slowly, not wanting to scare Kyuhyun into shock.

 

“I’ve just came back out from a coma hyung, not from a paper shredder. You don’t have to treat me like I’m going to break anytime soon.” Kyuhyun rolled his eyes at his hyungs.

 

“Well, excuse us if we’re going to baby you.” A new voice sounded out from the door way. “You’ve been unconscious for a month. A whole bloody month, Cho Kyuhyun.” The maknae turned to see Heechul standing there, with Hankyung next to him. The diva’s mouth was set in a firm line, but his eyes said it all.

 

Worry. Anger. Frustration. Hope. Relief. He watched as the mixture of emotions became a swirl, the weight on his chest becoming so heavy that he had to turn away in the end. “I’m sorry…” He muttered softly.

 

“You’d better be. I lost my beauty sleep over you.” Heechul seethed half-heartedly as he took a seat beside the maknae. “I think you have successfully helped Teukie hyung complete his monthly mission of excess hair loss.” Hankyung chuckled as he sat down beside his best friend.

 

Now that Kyuhyun had a better chance to look around his hospital room, he realised that his bedside had been surrounded by numerous chairs and two couches that were placed against the wall. Clearly his hyungs had been in this room countless of times. A warm feeling fluttered its wings in his heart before he could dwell on the thought, or feeling, any further, the room door burst open.

 

“Kyu baby.” A voice sang out as a group of males shuffled into the room. In a flash, Kyuhyun found himself wrapped in so many arms that he had no idea where one hug began and where another ended. He patted one or two arms awkwardly, before a voice sighed out. “Alright guys, break it up. Let’s give him some space, shall we?”

 

The hug broke and Kyuhyun took a deep breath of the newly regained air, feeling slightly less claustrophobic now that he wasn’t trapped in a tangle of arms. “How are you?” A concerned voice asked. _Sungmin hyung._

 

He smiled a little at the other. “I’m fine.” The singer took another look around the room, having the feeling that something wasn’t right. Something was missing.

 

“Hyung?” He called out hesitantly, receiving a cacophony of ‘yeah?’ from his hyungs.

 

“Where are they?” He asked nervously, as his fingers fiddled with the blanket.

 

His hyungs exchanged a look with one another before answering. “Well, Yunho hyung is currently in a meeting and Changmin-“ Kibum begun but Kyuhyun cut him off with a silent shake of his head.

 

“Not them. I meant JYJ hyung-deul.”

 

A harsh silence fell upon the room as everyone fidgeted and stared at Kyuhyun. A loud sigh broke the silence. “Be thankful that neither Yunho nor Changmin are in the room. Besides, why the hell would they be here? We haven’t seen any of them in months.” Heechul said as he leaned back against his chair, eyeing the maknae. “Well, not counting the times when Jaejoong and I or when Junsu and Eunhyuk meet up.”

 

Kyuhyun looked away from them as he shrugged his shoulders, not knowing why he asked that particular question but having felt the need to do so. “Kyuhyun ah.” Leeteuk leaned in close and peered at the younger concernedly. “Did you… by any chance lose your memory?”

 

A chuckle escaped his mouth as he shook his head. “No hyung. I still remember Donghae hyung using up Heechul hyung’s beauty products and making Jaejoong hyung buy another set from Paris. Henry accidentally setting the stove on fire when he tried to cook. And Zhou Mi ge and Chullie hyung disappearing and sending everyone into a panic only to find out that both of them had gone on a shopping spree.”

 

Satisfied, Leeteuk moved back away from Kyuhyun’s face but still had a frown on his own face as he tried to figure out what his maknae was thinking.

 

“JYJ hyung-deul? Where are they?” Kyuhyun asked again, determined to get his answer.

 

Just then the door opened, and everyone froze, including the male on the bed. They stared at the entryway in shock as Yunho and Changmin waltzed into the room, a bunch of flowers in Changmin’s hand.

 

~~~

 

Changmin took a good look at his best friend who was currently on the bed and passed the flowers to Yunho as he stepped in front of his hyung. Without a word, the four hyungs who had been sitting beside Kyuhyun took one look at the TVXQ maknae and immediately evacuated their chairs, leaving their own maknae to face the wrath of Changmin. Alone. Kyuhyun gulped and smiled nervously at his furious best friend. He watched as the other took a deep breath and prepared himself for whatever was going to come.

 

“H-Hey…” He begun but was cut off immediately.

 

“GODDAMNIT CHO KYUHYUN. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? DON’T YOU DARE TO ‘HEY’ ME. I leave to attend a photoshoot overseas and come back to see that you have done something RASH, called attempted suicide. You better be glad that the protruding roof was there else I would have gotten to HELL, because I’m freaking sure that’s where you’ll end up, and drag your bloody ass back here. What the hell is wrong with you man? How can you thinking of dying before beating me in Starcraft eh? I know I’m better than you at that but I didn’t expect you to go down without a fight. You can’t just leave me with Kibum as an opponent! And I can’t believe that I’ve been such a bad friend. I didn’t even realize that you were cutting yourself. CUTTING. OH MY GAWD.”

 

Insert pause here while Changmin caught his breath before continuing.

 

“And then you wake up from your coma. Hoo bloody yeah! Only to enter another one before I could see you. Like seriously dude? Could you not wait for me to at least talk to you before going off into your month long beauty sleep? OK that was completely beside the point but anyway. All of this could have prevented if you seek out your hyungs earlier and TALK. TO. THEM. INSTEAD. OF. DOING. SOMETHING. IDIOTIC.” He punctured his last sentence with a poke to Kyuhyun’s chest with each word.

 

“You owe two full months of food. Especially my secret stash of snacks have been used up because of worrying over you. Right. From this month onwards, until two months later, all my meals with be paid by YOU. For making me worry and stuff.” Panting after his tirade, Changmin levelled the other with a glare. Kyuhyun nodded his head quickly, and vowed silently to himself to not do anything stupid again, if not for not wanting to cause his hyungs to worry, then to avoid Changmin’s fury.

 

Satisfied, Changmin stood back and allowed Yunho to enter the spotlight. The other male was grinning at the speech that Changmin had given. “Well said Minnie. I wouldn’t have said it any better myself.” He commented.

 

The Super Junior members peered at the duo curiously. Something seemed off about them. There was no long that depressing aura around them. If it was any indication, Changmin seemed to have put on more meat on his thin bones since the last time they saw them and there was a fire in Yunho’s eyes. In fact, they looked more alive than they had been in the past year.

 

“Something happened?” Leeteuk enquired, only to receive a shrug from Yunho and a grin from the TVXQ maknae as a reply.

 

“Oh, before we forget. Here. This is for you.” Yunho smiled as he passed Kyuhyun the flowers. The bouquet was made of gladiolus, azaleas, and red roses, symbolising strength of character, take care of yourself for me, and love respectively.

 

Kyuhyun received the flowers gratefully, pausing to admire them before noticing there was a note attached to the bouquet. Before he could read it though, his best friend interrupted.

 

“Argh. I’m so hungry….” Changmin groaned as he pressed a hand to his stomach. “Alright, we’ll leave you to your lovely dovey hugs and stuff because food is more important now that I’ve said what I wanted.” With that, he grabbed hold of Yunho’s hand.

 

“Come on hyung. Let’s go buy food. Kyu, just so you know, I’m deducting this out from your bank account.” He called out. Yunho smiled indulgently at his maknae as he allowed himself to be pulled out from the room, turning slightly and winking at Kyuhyun just before disappearing around the door.

 

Kyuhyun, along with his hyungs, stared at the empty doorway before turning his attention to the note in his hand. “Well, what does it say?” Shindong asked.

 

“To the precious maknae of Super Junior, Cho Kyuhyun (even though Henry is the real maknae). Congratulations on getting better and stop being so idiotic because someone needs to beat Changmin at games. Your hyungs love you, you know. With love, from…” He trailed off, staring at the note with in surprise, leaving his hyungs hanging in suspense.

 

“Well? Who is it from?” Yesung prompted Kyuhyun to finish the sentence. The younger gulped, swallowing his own saliva as he muttered, unable to believe what he was reading. “With love, from… JYJ.”

 

* * *

 

Chapter 18 - Follow That Rainbow

 

For once, in the ten years that the group had been together, silence settled in the room. Pairs of eyes were fixated on that small piece of white held in their maknae’s hands, flitting between it and the door where the duo had disappeared out from. The one piece of paper that held the power to render them all voiceless.

 

The tide changer.

 

No one knew what to say. After all, it wasn’t everyday that the duo came waltzing in through a door, all smiles and life back in their eyes and dropping JYJ in their sentence without a cringe or a wince. Shock, disbelief, happiness, different types of emotions flowed through them.

 

“What… the fuck was that?” Heechul eloquently summed up the thoughts that went through everyone’s mind. “Jaejoong didn’t mention any of this to me!”

 

“Nor did Junsu.” Eunhyuk added. Yet, he understood why. No matter how best of friends they were, there was just some things where they couldn’t discuss with each other before telling their own group members.

 

“Still, this is a good thing, right?” Ryeowook breathed out slowly, trying to grasp an understanding of what was happening.

 

Something was changing. And it was going to be big. They could feel it.

 

“Yeah.” A nod came from Siwon and Kibum. At the very least, this meant that they no longer had to worry about Yunho and Changmin. They must have had a talk with their other three members, and whatever it was about, it certainly did them good.

 

“So…. Now what?” Sungmin asked. No one knew what to do with the new piece of information that was presented to them. This, again, had shown the members how unpredictable life could be.

 

A knock on the door saved them from their dilemma. Well, even if they hadn’t came up with answers or a plan, it, at least, provided them with a distraction. Hankyung, being the one who was closest to the door, answered it. A loud gasp from the Chinese male drew the attention of all those who weren’t looking at the door already.

 

Standing there in plain sight, was none other than the writers of the note.

 

The two parties stood there staring at each other, as if daring the other to make a move first. The tension in the room grew. Yet, it wasn’t the type of if-you-make-a-move-i-will-kill-you type of tension. More of the anticipating kind.

 

Minutes ticked by with no movement from either side before a sigh from Heechul broke it.

 

“Alright.” He said, clapping his hands to gain everyone’s attention. “Let’s get out so JYJ can do whatever they want to do to Kyuhyun in peace.” He ignored the incredulous look from his members as he started shepherding them out of the room. A jab at his best friend got Hankyung helping him immediately.

 

“And you.” He said, poking Jaejoong in the chest in a manner not unlike the way Changmin had treated Kyuhyun before. “You owe me a shopping trip due to all the drama you have caused.” The diva received a smile in return and nodded his head before exiting the room in a flourish, leaving the JYJ members and the Super Junior maknae alone.

 

Kyuhyun smiled weakly at them, before avoiding their gazes. He didn’t know what to say. Even before they had left the company, he wasn't as close to the trio as his other members had been. With his head down, he missed the found smile that the trio exchanged with one another.

 

“So, I heard someone managed to get our maknae so pissed that he finished his secret stash of food. Even Junsu hadn’t managed that. What's that about?” Jaejoong asked in a soft tone as he moved forward to sit on the hospital bed, ignoring the indignant yelp of the dolphin. The younger blushed slightly at the reminder and shrugged. To be honest, he wasn’t even sure himself what he was thinking then.

 

“Well, that’s alright.” Yoochun said as he leaned back in the chair that he claimed. “Sometimes, we tend to do things that we have no explanation for.”

 

“Does that include filing the lawsuit?” Kyuhyun asked bluntly, trying to watch for unease or discomfort on their faces. He didn’t like being the only one thrown off his game.

 

To his chagrin, (not really), they only looked amused. Jaejoong even chuckled. “In hind sight, when you take all those emotions into consideration, yeah.” The singer admitted. “But when it comes to the more logical side, makes sense, doesn’t it?”

 

It did make sense. Surprisingly, the younger understood where the trio was coming from.

 

“So? What are you going to do now?” Junsu asked, draping himself happily over Yoochun.

 

“Now?” Kyuhyun parroted.

 

“Do I hear an echo here?” Junsu smacked Yoochun lightly on the arm for teasing the other.

 

The youngest in the room shrugged uncomfortably and dropped his gaze, doing the cliche action of playing awkwardly with his blanket. If he had to be honest, he actually had no idea on what to do. He didn’t really had much chance to interact with his own members before the trio came in. Not like that he didn’t appreciate them visiting him despite the risks of being discovered by all those sasaengs lingering around, but it certainly left him in doubt for his next action.

  
Noticing his silence, Jaejoong nudged the Super Junior maknae. The other glanced up questioningly.

 

“Well, I guess apologising to your hyungs is always the best course of action right?” The singer suggested with a grin. “And then do whatever you want after that. Kick Changmin’s ass in video games. Bully Eunhyuk and Donghae. Go shopping with Kibum. Whatever.” He shrugged carelessly. “As long as it doesn’t involved anything as drastic as what you have done, yeah?”

 

“If you have any problems or anything, never, NEVER, be afraid to talk to your members about it. After all, in this dog-eat-dog industry, they are the ones that you can trust most.” Yoochun said softly.

 

“Trust us.” Junsu reached over and ruffled Kyuhyun’s hair, causing the male to duck away with a cute pout. “If there’s anything we have learnt from the lawsuit, it’s that.”

 

Stunned into silence, though the lecture was expected, but not the final part, Kyuhyun could only nod obediently. He should have known. No matter what he did, his members would always be beside him.

 

Now that the elephant in the room had been addressed, they lapsed into a more relaxed conversation, updating one another with their lives. Sure they hadn’t been as close as Eunhyuk and Junsu or Heechul and Jaejoong, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t show an interest in how the other was doing.

 

“How did… hmm.. you know.” Kyuhyun asked, gesturing his hands around slightly helplessly. He had been wanting to ask that ever since he saw the trio but had no idea how to phrase it without coming across as an idiot. Or some mentally insane person.

 

Thankfully, they seemed to understand what he wanted to ask. The only reply he got was a mysterious smirk.

 

“Se-cr-et.” Yoochun whispered, dramatically dragging it out the syllables.

 

“There are some things in the world that are better left unexplained.” Junsu chuckled.

 

Kyuhyun nodded, understanding that there was nothing else he could get out of them. It was true that some things were better left unexplained. Like the fact that there just so happened to be a protruding roof from where he had jumped. In hindsight, he was tremendously grateful for that. Then, he had been in too much pain to even consider what a great gift it had been, only focusing on wanting the pain to fade. It was like giving him a second chance at life. One that he would use wisely.

 

Minutes ticked past as the four of them lost themselves in their banter and teasing. It was easy to form a camaraderie, though it was more of Kyuhyun updating them on Changmin’s and the rest of Super Junior’s antics, with JYJ losing themselves in the laughter. Bending over to catch his breath, Kyuhyun was gratified that he was still able to experience something like this.

 

Joy. Happiness. Peace.

 

He had long thought himself unable to achieve such emotions, but here it was. Though the slightly stinging pain in his side was warning him that he might have overdone himself in terms of strenuous activity.

 

Fortunately, before any of them could start on yet another humorous anecdote, the door banged open as a flurry of people entered the room. It didn’t escape Kyuhyun’s notice that his best friend was leading it.

 

“Time’s up!” Changmin announced joyously as he gave Kyuhyun a quick hug before proceeding to link arms with Jaejoong. It was a slightly out of character behaviour for the TVXQ maknae but it had indeed been quite a stressful two weeks so Kyuhyun supposed he could cut the other some slack. After all, there was plenty of time to tease his friend over that later.

 

“We’re leaving.” The other started dragging the TVXQ umma out the door. “Stay any longer and Jae hyung would never leave Kyu alone! I need him to cook me food! You have no idea how terrible it was to live with Yunho hyung’s cooking. Half the time you can’t even identify the meal!” Changmin complained, spurring a bout of laughter from the rest of the people in the room while Yunho protested.

 

“And….. It was too tiring to watch the rest of the Super Junior members sitting there sulking so I’ll leave you to deal with them while I get my long overdue fix of Jaejoong hyung’s food.” He called out to Kyuhyun as he proceeded to manhandle the older out the door, no doubt to the nearest kitchen.

 

Yunho chuckled as he watched his flailing other half being dragged by the youngest before herding the remaining two towards the door. He wanted to catch up with his own members and he was sure that there were some things Super Junior members would have to discuss without any outsiders listening in.

 

He allowed himself a slip of a smile as the chuckles of the other group followed him out the door.

 

All was well.

 

* * *

 

Epilogue

 

3 Months Later

 

Kyuhyun leaned against the wall, casting yet another glance at his watch. 10 minutes past 8. The recording was going overtime. It was supposed to have ended 10 minutes ago. He glanced up just in time to see a group of trainees awkwardly bowing down to him as they shuffled past him uncertainly. In response, he nodded back to them, causing the girls in the group to squeal and blush while the boys looked at him with some sort of awe and respect in their eyes.

 

They were so young. He felt so old next to them. The trainees were the next generation of Kpop idols, and Kyuhyun felt a mixture of excitement and pity for them. He knew they would love the feeling of standing in front of a crowd, seeing hundreds of light sticks waving in front of them. It was humbling, knowing the type of effect he could have on people. Yet, the price paid for that was heavy. The stress of being an idol, being forced on diets and the likes. Finding yourself spiralling into depression at times because it was just too much and you felt overwhelmed.

 

However, Kyuhyun had never once regretted being an idol. Sure there were times when he just wanted to run away and all, but he never regretted pursuing this path. It had led him to know some of the most amazing people in his life, and 14 brothers that taught him no matter what happened, no matter what tried to tear them apart, no matter what stupid decisions he has made, they would always be there for him.

 

“Still sweeping girls off their feet with a nod, eh Kyu?” A teasing voice drew him out of his thoughts and he looked up to his best friend coming out of the recording studio with a grin.

 

“You’re late.” He complained, gesturing at his watch to emphasise the point.

 

“Sorry sorry. You know how Yunho and Jaejoong are. Perfectionist couple, that they are.” Changmin raised a hand in surrender.

 

“We heard that, young man.” Yunho admonished in a mocking tone as the rest of TVXQ emerged out of the studio. Kyuhyun nodded at them in greeting as he chuckled.

 

“Be back by eleven, yeah?” Jaejoong said as they moved past the younger two, ruffling both Kyuhyun’s and Changmin’s hair.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Sure mum.” His best friend grumbled as he tried to smooth out his hair with a huff. Kyuhyun knew that Changmin secretly enjoyed the affectionate gesture. 6 years was a long time to go without seeing someone. He had no idea how Yunho and Changmin had managed it. Or the other three.

 

“That applies to you too, Kyuhyun. I’ll be calling Leeteuk to see whether you have gotten home by then.” Jaejoong said as a parting shot.

 

It was his turn to grumble. It was horrible when the ummas of both groups teamed out. There was just no way out then.

 

“I feel like they’re still treating us like kids. Even though we are twenty-something years old.” Changmin groaned as they exited the building and walked down the street. It was a weekday and during the exam period, so neither of them were particularly worried of being spotted by a fan.

 

“Speak for yourself. You are a kid in all rights.” Kyuhyun replied as he led the way to the restaurant. He was treating the other, as an apology of making Changmin deplete his secret reserve of food while he laid in a hospital bed. And also to catch up. Both groups were busy with their own schedules and thus had hardly any time to talk at all.

 

“How’s the comeback preparations going?” He asked, as they ordered their food and settled down to wait.

 

“It’s good. Though Yunho’s fretting about some details here and there.” Changmin replied.

 

“Can’t be helped.” Kyuhyun shrugged. “After all, it’s your first comeback as five in what? 6? 7? years. It’s a really big thing. Besides, he has Jaejoong there to calm him down.”

 

“True. I’m just worried you know, of what Cassiopeia will think.” Kyuhyun detected a hint of uncertainty in his friend’s voice and threw his head back in laughter.

 

“Are you kidding me? On the day of your comeback, Twitter will break. Tumblr will break. Naver will break. All social media platforms will crash. It’s the return of the gods after all.” He teased with a twinkle in his eyes.

 

“Same can be said for you guys. Comeback of all 15. Something to look forward to definitely. ELFs will be having a field day.”

 

Both groups were planning their comeback, though TVXQ would have it first. Neither groups wanted to face each other in competitions for awards and comeback preparations for fifteen people took more time than it did for five people.

 

They grinned at each other easily. Kyuhyun missed this. After being released from the hospital, his members had been walking on eggshells around him. Not that Kyuhyun could blame them though but he had grown tired of it quickly. So after one month or so of such behaviour, he had finally snapped and screamed at them that he was not going to do anything stupid or leave or anything of that such so please stop treating him like a broken doll thank you very much. Needless to say, everyone soon returned to their original behaviour around him, some taking longer than others but they had gotten there nonetheless.

 

“So how’s Zhou Mi? Is he and Heechul still happily bringing bag homes of goods?” Changmin asked, remembering the day when Kyuhyun had called him in a frenzy. The two divas had just returned from a shopping spree with so many bags that they had filled up the living room. Having Jaejoong during his diva moments was bad enough. He didn’t want to imagine how it would be like having TWO divas 24/7.

 

“It’s not as bad as before. Leeteuk hyung had slapped a limit to how much they could spend. Besides, it helped that Hankyung hyung has started tagging along on their trips.”

 

“Of course. Only Hankyung could handle diva Heechul.” They laughed.

 

Their food soon arrived and they tucked in with gusto, stomachs rumbling in appreciation of fine food. The rest of the night passed in a similar of teasing and eating. Though they were sure to keep in mind of the time. Neither of them had any doubts of what Jaejoong and Leeteuk would do to them if they did end up arriving home late.

 

“Well then, shall we head off?” Kyuhyun asked as he called for the bill and paid it. The two of them strolled back towards their apartment buildings, a comfortable silence taking over them. It was half past ten, a good two and half hours had passed while they were eating and talking. Lethargy started to set in but it wasn’t the sort of bone-tired kind. More of the kind one would get after eating too much.

 

“I’ll see you around?” Changmin said as he bid his best friend goodnight in the form of a hug. Though their apartments were in the same complex, their buildings were in completely different directions.

 

“You mean tomorrow.” Kyuhyun laughed. Both Super Junior and TVXQ were filming a variety show tomorrow together, which it appeared his best friend had forgotten about. Laughing, they went their separate ways.

 

Feeling peacefully content, he entered the life and pressed the button of his floor. It was a good night, and they were spared the wrath of their band ummas by not returning late. Though they were cutting it slightly close. 10.55pm.

 

The ‘ding’ of the lift door alerted him to the fact that he had arrived at his destination. Digging for his keys as he walked, he inserted it into the key hole. Yet, before he could turn it, the door opened and he was dragged in by an enthusiastic Henry. It appeared that Siwon had decided to buy them supper, which caused rounds of applause from the excited members.

 

The door closed upon their raucous laughter.

  
They have returned to the good times. 

 

* * *

 

Extra

 

It came as a shock to everyone else. The phone call. Especially the number that was flashing on the screen. All of them were so shocked, and secretly scared, that neither of them moved to answer the phone, allowing it to go to voicemail instead. The voice that came through stunned them even more. Never in a million years would they have imagined the voice talking to them again. Let alone being the first to initiate contact with them.

 

Sure they had dreamt it. But having it happen in reality was a different story altogether.

 

“I know that you guys have been hanging around the hospital. So… if you’re willing to, do you want to meet up for coffee or something. I mean, that is, if you want to. Or you’re willing to and don’t hate us, that would be perfect and all, and we would love to see you again. And maybe we can meet up in that coffee shop next to the hospital. Or if you want we can choose the one we used to go to. Or the one in Gangnam. Or the one… Never mind. I’ll shut up now.”

 

Beep.

 

All three of them were too engrossed in their thoughts that they only caught the end of the message and all the rambling. That was the important part though. It tore at their hearts to think that the voice could actually believe that they would reject the invitation to meet up. It was like Christmas, New Year and their birthday wishes all coming true at once.

 

Now shaken out of their stupor, they leapt up to get to the phone and leaving an affirmative reply as a message. They didn’t want them to think that they hated them, when the truth was far from it.

 

~~~

 

There was no denying it. They were nervous. All three of them. Jaejoong had no idea how the other two had managed to find out that they were hanging around the hospital, but couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed or angry at them. There was no reason to be though. They weren’t being exactly subtle. After hearing what had happened to Kyuhyun, thanks to Junsu hearing it from Eunhyuk, they had come to a revelation.

 

Life was too short to hold onto grudges. Anything could happen tomorrow and it would tear at their hearts if the other two passed on from this world thinking that they hated them. The thought of it was simply unbearable. And so, they had to do something.

 

Of course, they were worried about Kyuhyun and the rest of the Super Junior members. And knowing Changmin and Yunho, both of them would probably be in the hospital for most of the day too. Hanging around the hospital then was simply killing two birds with one stone.

 

Though they would never imagine such a move would lead to something much more bigger. Such as actually meeting up for coffee. The trio had arrived early, unable to take each other and their own nerves anymore. Sitting in the cafe hadn’t really help much.

 

“They’re here.” A whisper from either Yoochun or Junsu stilled them as they turned together to look at the entrance of the cafe as one. And sure enough, two handsome young men strolled in, two figures that they would be able to recognise from anywhere. Time froze as the duo turned, and just so happened to meet the eye of the trio.

 

The world stopped and everything else faded away. Nothing else matter other than the five of them and the distance separated the two parties. Without hesitating, the duo walked towards them and sat across them. Jaejoong silently took into their profile. Both of them were thinner, and paler. He was sure that the complexion of them three weren’t any better. Yet, the other two were radiating confidence. Where they got that from he had no idea. He certainly wasn’t feeling confident now.

 

His silent search was stopped when Yunho’s eyes met his and they stared at each other. It had been too long. Way too long. He greedily drank in the sight of his other half, distantly aware that the same thing was happening with the younger three.

 

“Boojae ah.” Yunho exhaled as he reached across to hold Jaejoong’s hand that had been resting on the table. That sentence broke something in them and at the same time, they reached across to hug each other. Hugs were exchanged, along with teary kisses and chuckles. Past grievances were forgotten, for now, as they caught each other up on their life.

 

It was like separating two halves of a coin, neither party doing well without the other. They could function, yes, but it was like a machine that needed to be oiled, with all the parts falling out. All five of them were needed together. They fell back into a familiar pattern that had been forgotten for years, finding spaces in each other’s life.

 

They came into the cafe as two, but exited as one, hands linked and arms around waists, something had settled between them.

 

Everything was going to be okay. It was going to be a tough position trying to fit each other in. There would be screams, cries, arguments, bringing up of the past. But they would get there someday.

 

One day, everything was going to be alright.

 

End.


End file.
